Saturday, March 1, 2014
5 Lovely Ways to Celebrate the Power of Less
"Your daily life is your temple and your religion. Whenever you enter into it take with you your all." -- Kahlil Gibran
Do you feel inadequate? Are you primed to think you will never have or be enough? Then you are caught in the trap of wanting more. If only I had more -- more friends or time or success, then I would be happy and content.
It's a painful story we spin that never leads to true satisfaction.
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret: more is highly overrated. You may thinkyou need more, but what actually brings you peace is less. Consider these five lovely reasons to celebrate the power of less. Then start experimenting in the moments of your precious life.
Maybe you'll find that less has been just what you've wanted all along.
1. Less drama, more simplicity.
If you spend your time caught in dramas about yourself and other people, it's a guarantee you won't be happy. Dramas are stories full of judgment about what's wrong and what shouldn't be happening. And if you focus on them in your thoughts and conversation, it's impossible to feel calm and peaceful.
Letting go of drama invites you to make new choices. Instead of gossiping about someone, choose a more uplifting topic. And if your thoughts swirl about your own exaggerated story lines, shift to seeing what is good, right, and working in your life.
Engage less with drama, and savor the simple joys that are all around you.
2. Less doing, more enjoyment.
Most of us are moving way too fast. With the dreaded FOMO (fear of missing out) nipping at our heals, we frantically over-schedule so we never have time to stop and be.
Here's the problem. If you're always busy, you're propelled into the future. You're focused on accomplishing the next thing, while you miss out on enjoying what is here and available right now.
And what is here? The simple delight of a breath of fresh air, a heart-to-heart moment of connection, the space to rest from all the doing. Everything is fresh and alive -- in the now!
Less activity, and all the agitation that goes with it, opens the possibility for enjoying yourself so much more.
See what happens when you make the choice to slow down and do less. Enjoyment is right here, waiting for you.
3. Less mindlessness, more presence.
Sleepwalking through your life, with your mind in a fog, leaves you forever stuck in habits that don't serve you. These habits might be things you do, such as overeating, dulling yourself with too many substances, incessantly checking email.
Or they might be habitual ways of thinking -- that you're a victim, unable to reach beyond your fears, never good enough.
Presence is the medicine that sheds light on these habits so you can begin to make different choices. You get to know how you think -- and you can shift your attention away from these stressful thoughts. You recognize the urge to engage in a habit -- and you feel it rather than act on it. This is freedom.
Presence wakes you up to your life. You can choose mindlessness and bumble through, or you can be consciously aware and start truly living. Be present, and let your life unfold effortlessly with wisdom, intelligence, and compassion.
4. Less fear, more love.
When it comes to what drives you, you have two choices -- fear or love. Fear is limiting and separates you from your life. You know it's in charge when you feel closed, dissatisfied, or frustrated.
Fear feeds a false story that is loaded with negativity. For the most part, it is a conditioned response that makes you think you are a fraction of your true magnificence.
How to experience less fear and more love? See fear for what it is -- a distorted pattern of thoughts and some fluttery physical sensations. Give these no importance whatsoever, and tap into the expansive, creative parts of you that have been waiting for your attention.
And when you do, what is revealed? You come from a place that is already fulfilled, completely at peace, and infinitely open-hearted. And it infuses every moment of your beautiful life.
5. Less mental noise, more peace.
If our attention is drawn out into the world, it's no surprise that our minds are noisy. There is so much going on! And we are drawn into judging it, categorizing it, and trying to make sense of all the stimulation.
But don't you find it completely exhausting? How do you find peace in the middle of the tsunami of thinking?
Trying to stop thoughts is a losing battle. Why? Because it's impossible. Instead, what is called for is a new relationship with thinking. And that involves disengaging your attention from all the mental chatter.
It may sound revolutionary, but just because thoughts are present doesn't mean you need to be interested in them. Try losing interest in them. Be done with the repetitive, annoying ones that add nothing to your life. Simply turn your attention away from them.
Without the mental noise filling your awareness, you will make an important discovery. Peace is here. Presence is possible. You can be fully alive in your awesome life.
Are you ready to celebrate the power of less?
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1mS77VF
via IFTTT
Do you feel inadequate? Are you primed to think you will never have or be enough? Then you are caught in the trap of wanting more. If only I had more -- more friends or time or success, then I would be happy and content.
It's a painful story we spin that never leads to true satisfaction.
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret: more is highly overrated. You may thinkyou need more, but what actually brings you peace is less. Consider these five lovely reasons to celebrate the power of less. Then start experimenting in the moments of your precious life.
Maybe you'll find that less has been just what you've wanted all along.
1. Less drama, more simplicity.
If you spend your time caught in dramas about yourself and other people, it's a guarantee you won't be happy. Dramas are stories full of judgment about what's wrong and what shouldn't be happening. And if you focus on them in your thoughts and conversation, it's impossible to feel calm and peaceful.
Letting go of drama invites you to make new choices. Instead of gossiping about someone, choose a more uplifting topic. And if your thoughts swirl about your own exaggerated story lines, shift to seeing what is good, right, and working in your life.
Engage less with drama, and savor the simple joys that are all around you.
2. Less doing, more enjoyment.
Most of us are moving way too fast. With the dreaded FOMO (fear of missing out) nipping at our heals, we frantically over-schedule so we never have time to stop and be.
Here's the problem. If you're always busy, you're propelled into the future. You're focused on accomplishing the next thing, while you miss out on enjoying what is here and available right now.
And what is here? The simple delight of a breath of fresh air, a heart-to-heart moment of connection, the space to rest from all the doing. Everything is fresh and alive -- in the now!
Less activity, and all the agitation that goes with it, opens the possibility for enjoying yourself so much more.
See what happens when you make the choice to slow down and do less. Enjoyment is right here, waiting for you.
3. Less mindlessness, more presence.
Sleepwalking through your life, with your mind in a fog, leaves you forever stuck in habits that don't serve you. These habits might be things you do, such as overeating, dulling yourself with too many substances, incessantly checking email.
Or they might be habitual ways of thinking -- that you're a victim, unable to reach beyond your fears, never good enough.
Presence is the medicine that sheds light on these habits so you can begin to make different choices. You get to know how you think -- and you can shift your attention away from these stressful thoughts. You recognize the urge to engage in a habit -- and you feel it rather than act on it. This is freedom.
Presence wakes you up to your life. You can choose mindlessness and bumble through, or you can be consciously aware and start truly living. Be present, and let your life unfold effortlessly with wisdom, intelligence, and compassion.
4. Less fear, more love.
When it comes to what drives you, you have two choices -- fear or love. Fear is limiting and separates you from your life. You know it's in charge when you feel closed, dissatisfied, or frustrated.
Fear feeds a false story that is loaded with negativity. For the most part, it is a conditioned response that makes you think you are a fraction of your true magnificence.
How to experience less fear and more love? See fear for what it is -- a distorted pattern of thoughts and some fluttery physical sensations. Give these no importance whatsoever, and tap into the expansive, creative parts of you that have been waiting for your attention.
And when you do, what is revealed? You come from a place that is already fulfilled, completely at peace, and infinitely open-hearted. And it infuses every moment of your beautiful life.
5. Less mental noise, more peace.
If our attention is drawn out into the world, it's no surprise that our minds are noisy. There is so much going on! And we are drawn into judging it, categorizing it, and trying to make sense of all the stimulation.
But don't you find it completely exhausting? How do you find peace in the middle of the tsunami of thinking?
Trying to stop thoughts is a losing battle. Why? Because it's impossible. Instead, what is called for is a new relationship with thinking. And that involves disengaging your attention from all the mental chatter.
It may sound revolutionary, but just because thoughts are present doesn't mean you need to be interested in them. Try losing interest in them. Be done with the repetitive, annoying ones that add nothing to your life. Simply turn your attention away from them.
Without the mental noise filling your awareness, you will make an important discovery. Peace is here. Presence is possible. You can be fully alive in your awesome life.
Are you ready to celebrate the power of less?
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1mS77VF
via IFTTT
The Differences Between The Brains Of Insomniacs And Good Sleepers
A small new study sheds some light on how the brains of people with insomnia and good sleepers differ.
Researchers from the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that there is more activity, adaptability to change (plasticity) and increased "excitability" of neurons in the motor cortex of the brain, which controls movement, in people with insomnia.
For the study, published in the journal Sleep, researchers examined 28 adults (18 of whom had insomnia for a year or more, and 10 of whom were good sleepers) as they were administered 65 electrical pulses on their thumbs with transcranial magnetic stimulation. The researchers kept track of the participants' involuntary thumb movements in response to the pulses; the participants also wore accelerometers to track the direction and speed of the thumb movements.
Then, the researchers spent 30 minutes training the participants to move their thumb in the other direction, against the direction of their involuntary movement. They associated the participants' ability to learn how to move their thumbs in the newly trained direction as an indicator of increased brain plasticity.
While researchers expected plasticity to be higher among the good sleepers, they found that the people with insomnia actually had more evidence of greater brain plasticity. However, they noted that what this plasticity means -- or whether it's a good or a bad thing -- has yet to be determined.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1d6UdA4
via IFTTT
Researchers from the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that there is more activity, adaptability to change (plasticity) and increased "excitability" of neurons in the motor cortex of the brain, which controls movement, in people with insomnia.
For the study, published in the journal Sleep, researchers examined 28 adults (18 of whom had insomnia for a year or more, and 10 of whom were good sleepers) as they were administered 65 electrical pulses on their thumbs with transcranial magnetic stimulation. The researchers kept track of the participants' involuntary thumb movements in response to the pulses; the participants also wore accelerometers to track the direction and speed of the thumb movements.
Then, the researchers spent 30 minutes training the participants to move their thumb in the other direction, against the direction of their involuntary movement. They associated the participants' ability to learn how to move their thumbs in the newly trained direction as an indicator of increased brain plasticity.
While researchers expected plasticity to be higher among the good sleepers, they found that the people with insomnia actually had more evidence of greater brain plasticity. However, they noted that what this plasticity means -- or whether it's a good or a bad thing -- has yet to be determined.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1d6UdA4
via IFTTT
The Flu Rate Is Highest In This State
While almost everyone should really get a flu shot, people in Nevada may have an especially good reason to.
A new Gallup-Healthways report shows that Nevada had the highest flu rate in 2013, with 2.9 percent of adults living in the state reporting being sick with the flu in 2013. California and New York also had high flu rates, with 2.6 percent and 2.5 percent of adult residents there, respectively, saying they had the flu in 2013.
Other states with higher flu rates in 2013: Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Florida, New Jersey, Idaho and Oregon, with rates ranging from 2.1 percent to 2.3 percent.
Gallup researchers noted that California is the only state to consistently be in the top 10 states with the highest flu rates since tracking began in 2008.
Meanwhile, people in Vermont, North Dakota and South Carolina can rejoice: Flu rates in those states were the lowest in 2013, averaging 0.8 percent each. Alabama, Wyoming, Mississippi, Alaska, Kansas, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kentucky and Wisconsin also boasted low flu rates, with 0.9 to 1.2 percent of adult residents in those states saying they had the flu in 2013.
When it comes to the common cold, the rankings are different. Montana had the highest number of self-reported colds -- with 8.2 percent of residents saying they were sick with a cold on any given day in 2013 -- followed closely by Oregon (7.7 percent), New York (6.9 percent) and Mississippi (6.9 percent).
Arizona boasted the lowest number of adults with a cold in 2013, with just 3.8 percent of people reporting being sick with the cold on any day. Other states with low self-reported cold rates: Kansas (4.2 percent), Wyoming (4.2 percent), Texas (4.4 percent) and Nevada (4.6 percent).
The findings are based on phone interviews conducted between Jan. 2 and Dec. 29 in 2013, of 178,068 adults in the U.S.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1mS79go
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A new Gallup-Healthways report shows that Nevada had the highest flu rate in 2013, with 2.9 percent of adults living in the state reporting being sick with the flu in 2013. California and New York also had high flu rates, with 2.6 percent and 2.5 percent of adult residents there, respectively, saying they had the flu in 2013.
Other states with higher flu rates in 2013: Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Florida, New Jersey, Idaho and Oregon, with rates ranging from 2.1 percent to 2.3 percent.
Gallup researchers noted that California is the only state to consistently be in the top 10 states with the highest flu rates since tracking began in 2008.
Meanwhile, people in Vermont, North Dakota and South Carolina can rejoice: Flu rates in those states were the lowest in 2013, averaging 0.8 percent each. Alabama, Wyoming, Mississippi, Alaska, Kansas, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kentucky and Wisconsin also boasted low flu rates, with 0.9 to 1.2 percent of adult residents in those states saying they had the flu in 2013.
When it comes to the common cold, the rankings are different. Montana had the highest number of self-reported colds -- with 8.2 percent of residents saying they were sick with a cold on any given day in 2013 -- followed closely by Oregon (7.7 percent), New York (6.9 percent) and Mississippi (6.9 percent).
Arizona boasted the lowest number of adults with a cold in 2013, with just 3.8 percent of people reporting being sick with the cold on any day. Other states with low self-reported cold rates: Kansas (4.2 percent), Wyoming (4.2 percent), Texas (4.4 percent) and Nevada (4.6 percent).
The findings are based on phone interviews conducted between Jan. 2 and Dec. 29 in 2013, of 178,068 adults in the U.S.
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Ask Healthy Living: Do Airplanes Make Us Sick?
Welcome to Ask Healthy Living -- in which you submit your most burning health questions and we do our best to ask the experts and get back to you. Have a question? Get in touch here and you could appear on Healthy Living!
"Ask Healthy Living" is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Please consult a qualified health care professional for personalized medical advice.
Why do you catch a cold after you've been on a plane?
March is a busy time for the travel industry, thanks to the unyielding supply of Spring Break revelers. And while most travel health concerns focus on the ailments one can pick up in a host country, many travelers have voiced a sneaking suspicion that the airplane itself could be the cause of their discomfort.
Between the crowds ofpotential disease carriers people, stress and lack of rest and the airplane environment itself, the truth is that many people will bring home more than a couple of tchotchkes and souvenir t-shirts. But is it the fault of the flight? The answer is (predictably) somewhat muddled. We asked an infectious disease expert, Dr. Amesh Adalja to break it down for us.
"When you go to the airport, you're around people from all over the world. And not just people -- also their germs," Adalja, an infectious disease physician at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, told The Huffington Post. "Like any place of mass congregation, it's a viral exchange center."
While some people live in close quarters (Manhattan subway commuters, we're looking at you), many others spend their days in the company of a few familiar people, with whose pathogenic contributions they are already familiar (and potentially resistant). Once in an airport terminal or on an actual plane, familiarity goes out the window. "Let's say there's an upper respiratory infection outbreak in California and someone harboring that illness gets on a plane," explained Adalja. "People from other places could be exposed and carry the illness with them."
That's where the role of air travel ends. Much of the other charges against airplane environments are exaggerated -- or entirely untrue. One common misconception is that the recycled air of an airplane contributes to the spread of disease, but touching your tray table or the sink handle in the bathroom is far more likely the culprit. Airplane air tests as higher quality than the air in most office buildings, according to Adalja. And although airplanes recycle their air, it still must pass through high-quality filters that sterilize and remove pathogens. Plus, according to an NBC report, 50 percent of the air is actually drawn from the atmosphere and is fresh.
There is some concern that the air's dryness affects the nasal cavity, causing small cracks in the protective mucus lining of the nose and making passengers more susceptible to virus. While that's true, dry air can have a protective effect too: Viruses prefer humid, moist air and the majority of them are less likely to spread in the arid environment of a plane, according to Adalja.
As for the germs on your seat and tray table, it's certainly possible that you could contract something by touching these surfaces. Some studies have detected dangerous pathogens on hard surfaces -- one 2007 study detected Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) on 60 percent of the tray tables surveyed on three different airlines. But most pathogenic microbes last no more than a couple of hours, so even if a sick passenger shed his virus on your seat and the cleaning crew missed it in between flights, you've likely missed the window of infection. And an airplane is no more laden with potentially harmful bacteria than your average daycare center or office building.
More likely, the cause of a post-trip nasal drip is the behaviors around travel that make you, well, a little run down. Travel can make you sleep deprived, dehydrated and apt to have an extra drink or two (who doesn't like a nerve-calming glass of wine in-flight?). If you were already harboring a cold virus from back home, these small stressors could diminish your immune system's ability to the point of feeling ill.
So the next time you're on a flight, be sure to get enough rest and enough water. And while it helps to be wary of any sneezing passengers, chances are the plane itself isn't making you sick.
Have a question? Ask Healthy Living!
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1mS76ky
via IFTTT
"Ask Healthy Living" is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Please consult a qualified health care professional for personalized medical advice.
Why do you catch a cold after you've been on a plane?
March is a busy time for the travel industry, thanks to the unyielding supply of Spring Break revelers. And while most travel health concerns focus on the ailments one can pick up in a host country, many travelers have voiced a sneaking suspicion that the airplane itself could be the cause of their discomfort.
Between the crowds of
"When you go to the airport, you're around people from all over the world. And not just people -- also their germs," Adalja, an infectious disease physician at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, told The Huffington Post. "Like any place of mass congregation, it's a viral exchange center."
While some people live in close quarters (Manhattan subway commuters, we're looking at you), many others spend their days in the company of a few familiar people, with whose pathogenic contributions they are already familiar (and potentially resistant). Once in an airport terminal or on an actual plane, familiarity goes out the window. "Let's say there's an upper respiratory infection outbreak in California and someone harboring that illness gets on a plane," explained Adalja. "People from other places could be exposed and carry the illness with them."
That's where the role of air travel ends. Much of the other charges against airplane environments are exaggerated -- or entirely untrue. One common misconception is that the recycled air of an airplane contributes to the spread of disease, but touching your tray table or the sink handle in the bathroom is far more likely the culprit. Airplane air tests as higher quality than the air in most office buildings, according to Adalja. And although airplanes recycle their air, it still must pass through high-quality filters that sterilize and remove pathogens. Plus, according to an NBC report, 50 percent of the air is actually drawn from the atmosphere and is fresh.
There is some concern that the air's dryness affects the nasal cavity, causing small cracks in the protective mucus lining of the nose and making passengers more susceptible to virus. While that's true, dry air can have a protective effect too: Viruses prefer humid, moist air and the majority of them are less likely to spread in the arid environment of a plane, according to Adalja.
As for the germs on your seat and tray table, it's certainly possible that you could contract something by touching these surfaces. Some studies have detected dangerous pathogens on hard surfaces -- one 2007 study detected Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) on 60 percent of the tray tables surveyed on three different airlines. But most pathogenic microbes last no more than a couple of hours, so even if a sick passenger shed his virus on your seat and the cleaning crew missed it in between flights, you've likely missed the window of infection. And an airplane is no more laden with potentially harmful bacteria than your average daycare center or office building.
More likely, the cause of a post-trip nasal drip is the behaviors around travel that make you, well, a little run down. Travel can make you sleep deprived, dehydrated and apt to have an extra drink or two (who doesn't like a nerve-calming glass of wine in-flight?). If you were already harboring a cold virus from back home, these small stressors could diminish your immune system's ability to the point of feeling ill.
So the next time you're on a flight, be sure to get enough rest and enough water. And while it helps to be wary of any sneezing passengers, chances are the plane itself isn't making you sick.
Have a question? Ask Healthy Living!
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1mS76ky
via IFTTT
20 Little Ways To Make Your Marriage Even Stronger
By Sharon Naylor for Bridal Guide
You want to be with the love of your life forever, and he with you, so always make your marriage a top priority (as in every day!). Here are some easy and fun ways to keep improving an already awesome partnership. Even if you're not married yet, you can start practicing these tips to enjoy your relationship even more throughout the wedding-planning process.
Grooms and husbands, hold onto this list as well — these rules apply to you, too!
1. Eat healthfully.
A 2012 British study from the University of Warwick found that people who consume more fruits and vegetables experience higher levels of mental well-being. Include these foods in your diet and you'll have increased energy, sleep better and exhibit a more positive outlook in general. You have to take great care of yourself to be the best "you" in this marriage. Check out these healthy breakfast ideas.
2. Make time for exercise.
It's important to work out — no, not to be a size 0 so your hubby finds you attractive, but so that you feel your best. Newlyweds who exercise have more self-confidence while clothed or naked, enjoy mood-boosting hormones and are less likely to experience depression. Exercise solo and with your partner: Running a 5K together or taking an exercise class is a fun way to bond.
3. Talk about your early days of dating.
Rather than bringing up the past in a wistful sense ("why don't we ever do that anymore..."), express appreciation for all the ways that your spouse has helped you. For example, you could say something like, "I was just thinking about that romantic dinner you planned by the fireplace on our third date. That was really wonderful." It's an ego boost for him and it shows that you value his best efforts. (Note: Making the effort to compliment your husband is especially important if he feels like he's being undervalued at work, since it shows that he's doing something right in this sector of his life.)
4. Bond with each other’s friends.
If you’re not already close with your husband's friends, nor he with yours, plan occasional group outings so that you can all get to know each other better. When you mesh well with each other's social circles, it enhances this important facet of your lives.
5. Give your spouse alone time with their pals.
Even if your husband's friends love you, there are still some events he’ll be invited to — like going to an NBA game — as a guy’s night out. Don't make him feel guilty about leaving you home alone by pouting and checking in with him constantly while he's out (and yes, guys do this too!). Maintaining separate social lives and being supportive of one another boosts your marriage.
6. Bond with each other’s families.
It's a gift to your spouse when you blend in well with his parents and siblings. Befriend them, give compliments, ask how their lives are going and smile. This is a big one, and it can be especially challenging if his relatives gave you a hard time during the wedding planning.
You may not love them (and maybe you will someday), but make an effort to at least be cordial, forgive as much as you can and start fresh with them as a member of the family. If you keep giving your husband a hard time because of a rude comment your mother-in-law made, then he'll become angry at you and it will cause cracks in your marriage, thereby letting her win. Here's how to deal when your in-laws hate you .
7. Touch as often as possible.
Hold hands. Touch your husband on the arm when you’re both making your morning coffee. Place your hand on his cheek when he kisses you good night. Think about these little points of contact as love "marks" that stay with him throughout the day.
At the end of a long day, pamper each other with foot and hand massages while you’re watching your favorite TV shows on the couch. The physical contact creates happy hormone oxytocin, and non-sexual physical contact keeps you feeling adored by each other. You’d be surprised how longtime marrieds whose relationships have grown stale never touch each other anymore in these little adoring ways.
8. Drop your old issues.
We all have scars and damage from our dating days and from our families, but don't use an old fight as a weapon in a new one. It's unfair to throw unresolved issues at one another — drop those sensitivities by avoiding hot button issues that you've already discussed (and hopefully resolved).
If you're still having trouble letting it go, consider journaling or talking to a counselor to prevent these bygones from weakening your marriage.
9. Fight fairly.
Avoid using absolutes like "always" or "never" to accuse your spouse when you’re revved up and kind of irrational during a particularly bad argument (i.e. "You never listen to me"). Within the argument, establish a "take it back" code whenever either of you says something you don't truly mean.
Remind your husband that you love him and stay focused on finding a solution, which opens the door for a compromise. You both need to know when to apologize; love does mean saying "I'm sorry" sometimes. Here's advice for handling your first big fight .
10. Cook together.
Make it an occasional treat to prep a new meal together. The sensory experience of cooking and co-creating a fabulous, romantic dish or snack is way better than popping some toaster tarts in the oven.
11. Have a sense of humor.
Don’t be uptight or overly sensitive, making it impossible for your spouse to playfully tease you if you do something silly. If you’re always a raw nerve, he'll feel like he's walking on eggshells, which makes you a chore. Laugh off a joke (and deliver one right back at your husband) to show him that you're a carefree partner who doesn't make him nervous to kid around with.
12. Know when to listen (without offering advice).
Sometimes, you or your partner just need to vent and spill out all the frustrations of the day. Since your husband loves you and wants you to feel better, he might give suggestions that can produce the opposite effect intended. It's easy to turn your stress against him ("Don't you think I already thought of that?").
Let him know when you just want to be heard and comforted — no crisis intervention necessary — and you've just created a strong tool in your marriage.
13. Carve out quiet time.
Make it a point to decompress each evening. Avoid following your spouse around like a puppy as soon as he gets home from work, telling him about your day or reminding him about things you need to do, like fix the washing machine or attend your niece's birthday party.
Your husband understands that you just miss him, but he might feel bad telling you to chill for a while and let him unwind. Be open and honest whenever you need some alone time, whether it's 15 minutes or an hour, and vice versa. You’re not saying, "Don’t bother me," you’re communicating clearly about an important need you have that you’ll both respect.
14. Be financially responsible.
Money is one of the top marriage stressors, especially in these challenging financial times. You both need the security of knowing that you’re each paying bills on time, and not making unnecessary purchases.
Create a joint account for bills but also keep separate accounts for your own play money, and, of course, make sure you're both socking away some money in your savings to contribute towards shared future goals.
Most importantly, be financially honest with one another, no matter what. No secret spending or hiding it from your spouse if you're having trouble paying a bill on time.
15. Speak well of each other.
If you vent to your friends or family members about a fight you had with your husband, they may not forgive him, even after you've forgiven and forgotten. It's a betrayal to trash-talk your spouse to others, even if he made you really mad. Your personal issues need to stay personal so that you don’t create problems in your social and family circle that will only grow worse over time.
And his family and friends love it when you rave about his awesomeness, just as your loved ones will adore him for speaking highly of you all the time.
16. Be playful.
Even if life is stressful, express your playful and silly side by suggesting (or agreeing to participate in) sports, video games, a round of mini golf, a night at the amusement park, or other spirited activities. Show this side of your personality often, and remind your spouse how much fun you are. Even if you're the worst darts player ever, laughing at your lack of skill (instead of pouting or getting frustrated) lets him see you in this adorable way.
17. Don’t stall on each other’s requests.
Life is hectic, but if your partner asks you to look up something online or find a piece of paperwork for him, make it a high priority to do so as soon as humanly possible. When you show your spouse that his requests are important to you and you value his needs, that makes your partnership even stronger.
On the flip side, if either of you says, "I'll get to it in a few days...I'm kind of busy now," that can cause hurt feelings. Of course, some requests can't be done now, and you may not be able to drop your important work to complete it, but don't make your husband wait for weeks. Just do it as soon as you can.
18. Accept that you’ll both have bratty moments.
Sometimes when we’re stressed, we get snappy. It happens to everyone, and that ultra-bratty response may even be a surprise to you. So if your spouse replies with a terse comment, don’t pull the pin on a big fight grenade. Just accept it as a sign that he’s stressed and not able to respond more maturely at the moment.
And if he blames your bratty remark on PMS, it’s better to walk away than get into a fight over something silly. Apologies can come a little bit later.
19. Divvy up chores.
Division of labor in a marriage is something that marriage counselors handle a lot with couples who are having trouble. You can avoid resentments by simply talking to each other about which household projects you want to take on. Maybe you’re okay with killing the spiders and taking out the trash, and he’s fine with vacuuming.
Make your own plan without any male vs. female labels, and then — this is important — sit down to discuss which household chores are annoying you, which you want to trade, and which you want to hire someone to do...like the dusting and vacuuming. Done!
20. Ask your spouse, "What do you need more of?"
Being this direct, and safe to talk to, lets him (and you) say, “I need some more alone time when I get home from work” or “I need more cuddle time” or “I want to make out more.” Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, and they want to know how to please you better. You get your wish out there, no resentments build, and you have a great tool for your ultra-strong marriage that you can use again and again.
More from Bridal Guide:
10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences
10 Commandments for a Happy Marriage
The Ultimate Sex Advice for Newlyweds
9 Common Marriage Problems (and Solutions!) for Newlyweds
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Weddings on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1pHUtel
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You want to be with the love of your life forever, and he with you, so always make your marriage a top priority (as in every day!). Here are some easy and fun ways to keep improving an already awesome partnership. Even if you're not married yet, you can start practicing these tips to enjoy your relationship even more throughout the wedding-planning process.
Grooms and husbands, hold onto this list as well — these rules apply to you, too!
1. Eat healthfully.
A 2012 British study from the University of Warwick found that people who consume more fruits and vegetables experience higher levels of mental well-being. Include these foods in your diet and you'll have increased energy, sleep better and exhibit a more positive outlook in general. You have to take great care of yourself to be the best "you" in this marriage. Check out these healthy breakfast ideas.
2. Make time for exercise.
It's important to work out — no, not to be a size 0 so your hubby finds you attractive, but so that you feel your best. Newlyweds who exercise have more self-confidence while clothed or naked, enjoy mood-boosting hormones and are less likely to experience depression. Exercise solo and with your partner: Running a 5K together or taking an exercise class is a fun way to bond.
3. Talk about your early days of dating.
Rather than bringing up the past in a wistful sense ("why don't we ever do that anymore..."), express appreciation for all the ways that your spouse has helped you. For example, you could say something like, "I was just thinking about that romantic dinner you planned by the fireplace on our third date. That was really wonderful." It's an ego boost for him and it shows that you value his best efforts. (Note: Making the effort to compliment your husband is especially important if he feels like he's being undervalued at work, since it shows that he's doing something right in this sector of his life.)
4. Bond with each other’s friends.
If you’re not already close with your husband's friends, nor he with yours, plan occasional group outings so that you can all get to know each other better. When you mesh well with each other's social circles, it enhances this important facet of your lives.
5. Give your spouse alone time with their pals.
Even if your husband's friends love you, there are still some events he’ll be invited to — like going to an NBA game — as a guy’s night out. Don't make him feel guilty about leaving you home alone by pouting and checking in with him constantly while he's out (and yes, guys do this too!). Maintaining separate social lives and being supportive of one another boosts your marriage.
6. Bond with each other’s families.
It's a gift to your spouse when you blend in well with his parents and siblings. Befriend them, give compliments, ask how their lives are going and smile. This is a big one, and it can be especially challenging if his relatives gave you a hard time during the wedding planning.
You may not love them (and maybe you will someday), but make an effort to at least be cordial, forgive as much as you can and start fresh with them as a member of the family. If you keep giving your husband a hard time because of a rude comment your mother-in-law made, then he'll become angry at you and it will cause cracks in your marriage, thereby letting her win. Here's how to deal when your in-laws hate you .
7. Touch as often as possible.
Hold hands. Touch your husband on the arm when you’re both making your morning coffee. Place your hand on his cheek when he kisses you good night. Think about these little points of contact as love "marks" that stay with him throughout the day.
At the end of a long day, pamper each other with foot and hand massages while you’re watching your favorite TV shows on the couch. The physical contact creates happy hormone oxytocin, and non-sexual physical contact keeps you feeling adored by each other. You’d be surprised how longtime marrieds whose relationships have grown stale never touch each other anymore in these little adoring ways.
8. Drop your old issues.
We all have scars and damage from our dating days and from our families, but don't use an old fight as a weapon in a new one. It's unfair to throw unresolved issues at one another — drop those sensitivities by avoiding hot button issues that you've already discussed (and hopefully resolved).
If you're still having trouble letting it go, consider journaling or talking to a counselor to prevent these bygones from weakening your marriage.
9. Fight fairly.
Avoid using absolutes like "always" or "never" to accuse your spouse when you’re revved up and kind of irrational during a particularly bad argument (i.e. "You never listen to me"). Within the argument, establish a "take it back" code whenever either of you says something you don't truly mean.
Remind your husband that you love him and stay focused on finding a solution, which opens the door for a compromise. You both need to know when to apologize; love does mean saying "I'm sorry" sometimes. Here's advice for handling your first big fight .
10. Cook together.
Make it an occasional treat to prep a new meal together. The sensory experience of cooking and co-creating a fabulous, romantic dish or snack is way better than popping some toaster tarts in the oven.
11. Have a sense of humor.
Don’t be uptight or overly sensitive, making it impossible for your spouse to playfully tease you if you do something silly. If you’re always a raw nerve, he'll feel like he's walking on eggshells, which makes you a chore. Laugh off a joke (and deliver one right back at your husband) to show him that you're a carefree partner who doesn't make him nervous to kid around with.
12. Know when to listen (without offering advice).
Sometimes, you or your partner just need to vent and spill out all the frustrations of the day. Since your husband loves you and wants you to feel better, he might give suggestions that can produce the opposite effect intended. It's easy to turn your stress against him ("Don't you think I already thought of that?").
Let him know when you just want to be heard and comforted — no crisis intervention necessary — and you've just created a strong tool in your marriage.
13. Carve out quiet time.
Make it a point to decompress each evening. Avoid following your spouse around like a puppy as soon as he gets home from work, telling him about your day or reminding him about things you need to do, like fix the washing machine or attend your niece's birthday party.
Your husband understands that you just miss him, but he might feel bad telling you to chill for a while and let him unwind. Be open and honest whenever you need some alone time, whether it's 15 minutes or an hour, and vice versa. You’re not saying, "Don’t bother me," you’re communicating clearly about an important need you have that you’ll both respect.
14. Be financially responsible.
Money is one of the top marriage stressors, especially in these challenging financial times. You both need the security of knowing that you’re each paying bills on time, and not making unnecessary purchases.
Create a joint account for bills but also keep separate accounts for your own play money, and, of course, make sure you're both socking away some money in your savings to contribute towards shared future goals.
Most importantly, be financially honest with one another, no matter what. No secret spending or hiding it from your spouse if you're having trouble paying a bill on time.
15. Speak well of each other.
If you vent to your friends or family members about a fight you had with your husband, they may not forgive him, even after you've forgiven and forgotten. It's a betrayal to trash-talk your spouse to others, even if he made you really mad. Your personal issues need to stay personal so that you don’t create problems in your social and family circle that will only grow worse over time.
And his family and friends love it when you rave about his awesomeness, just as your loved ones will adore him for speaking highly of you all the time.
16. Be playful.
Even if life is stressful, express your playful and silly side by suggesting (or agreeing to participate in) sports, video games, a round of mini golf, a night at the amusement park, or other spirited activities. Show this side of your personality often, and remind your spouse how much fun you are. Even if you're the worst darts player ever, laughing at your lack of skill (instead of pouting or getting frustrated) lets him see you in this adorable way.
17. Don’t stall on each other’s requests.
Life is hectic, but if your partner asks you to look up something online or find a piece of paperwork for him, make it a high priority to do so as soon as humanly possible. When you show your spouse that his requests are important to you and you value his needs, that makes your partnership even stronger.
On the flip side, if either of you says, "I'll get to it in a few days...I'm kind of busy now," that can cause hurt feelings. Of course, some requests can't be done now, and you may not be able to drop your important work to complete it, but don't make your husband wait for weeks. Just do it as soon as you can.
18. Accept that you’ll both have bratty moments.
Sometimes when we’re stressed, we get snappy. It happens to everyone, and that ultra-bratty response may even be a surprise to you. So if your spouse replies with a terse comment, don’t pull the pin on a big fight grenade. Just accept it as a sign that he’s stressed and not able to respond more maturely at the moment.
And if he blames your bratty remark on PMS, it’s better to walk away than get into a fight over something silly. Apologies can come a little bit later.
19. Divvy up chores.
Division of labor in a marriage is something that marriage counselors handle a lot with couples who are having trouble. You can avoid resentments by simply talking to each other about which household projects you want to take on. Maybe you’re okay with killing the spiders and taking out the trash, and he’s fine with vacuuming.
Make your own plan without any male vs. female labels, and then — this is important — sit down to discuss which household chores are annoying you, which you want to trade, and which you want to hire someone to do...like the dusting and vacuuming. Done!
20. Ask your spouse, "What do you need more of?"
Being this direct, and safe to talk to, lets him (and you) say, “I need some more alone time when I get home from work” or “I need more cuddle time” or “I want to make out more.” Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, and they want to know how to please you better. You get your wish out there, no resentments build, and you have a great tool for your ultra-strong marriage that you can use again and again.
More from Bridal Guide:
10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences
10 Commandments for a Happy Marriage
The Ultimate Sex Advice for Newlyweds
9 Common Marriage Problems (and Solutions!) for Newlyweds
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Weddings on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1pHUtel
via IFTTT
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