Friday, August 29, 2014
Addiction: Survivor's Guilt and Heroic Parents
A global event held on August 31st each year [that] aims to raise awareness of overdose and reduce the stigma of a drug-related death. It also acknowledges the grief felt by families and friends remembering those who have met with death or permanent injury as a result of drug overdose.
Drug abuse has become an epidemic in our country, and drug overdoses are claiming more and more lives here each year. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
- Drug overdose was the leading cause of injury death in 2011. Among people 25 to 64 years old, drug overdose caused more deaths than motor vehicle traffic crashes.
- Drug overdose death rates have been rising steadily since 1992 with a 118 percent increase from 1999 to 2011 alone.
Those figures are beyond alarming, and as a society we have to do all we can to reverse the trend. We have to educate the world about addiction and attack the stigma associated with the disease. International Overdose Awareness Day is a great opportunity to do this. I urge you to participate in the event in any way you can, to show support for those we've lost and their loved ones -- especially their parents.
As the father of a son in long-term recovery from addiction, I have been working hard for several years to help break the stigma associated with addiction. Through my blog, Facebook, Twitter, and my work with both the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids and Heroes in Recovery, I've come into contact with dozens of parents who have lost a child to addiction. And it breaks my heart. Their kids were good kids -- just like mine -- who weren't as lucky as mine. And they were good parents -- just like my wife and me -- who weren't as lucky as us.
One question that goes through my mind quite often, especially when events like International Overdose Awareness Day come along, is this:
Can you suffer from "survivor's guilt" even if you are not the actual survivor?
When I look back over the last eight-plus years, there's no question that what my wife and I went through with our son was a horrific nightmare. But it's nothing like the nightmare of losing a child. Not even close. Let's face it: My son and my family have suffered greatly -- emotionally, physically, and financially. Our lives were turned upside down by addiction. But in spite of that, our son is now more than two years clean and sober.
He's alive. He has survived. He's living his life.
When I think about that I am overjoyed. There are no words to describe how grateful I am every single day. But at the same time, I occasionally feel quite a bit of guilt. I wonder why our son is finally on the right path, while other parents have had to suffer the devastating experience of burying their child because of this insidious disease called addiction.
I cannot even imagine what losing a child to drugs would be like. Lord knows I've thought about it a lot. For a while, I was terrified that it might happen to me. And I'd be lying if I said it's not something I still think about from time to time when I allow my mind to wander out of the moment. I try to put myself in those parents' shoes and wonder what they feel. I wonder what I would feel. But the truth is, no matter what I think it would feel like... it must be a hundred times worse. Probably a thousand times worse.
There but for the grace of God, go I.
Many of these special parents are some of the most incredible human beings I have ever met. Despite experiencing the worst thing a parent could possibly experience, they are fighting to help prevent other families from having to go through what they've gone through.
They are putting themselves out there, raising awareness and taking action against drugs and addiction. They are working hard to turn their tragedy into a positive thing for others. What tremendous courage that must take. These people, who have lost a child to drugs, are making a difference. They are real life heroes and they are to be commended.
Please take a few moments on Aug. 31 to remember everyone who has been affected by a drug overdose. Remember: It can happen to anyone.
Note: Here are a just a few links to websites created by some of these parents. I urge you to visit these sites, read their stories, and support their causes.
atTAcK addiction
Dedicated to Tyler Armstrong Keister
Shatterproof (formerly Brian's Wish)
Dedicated to Brian Mendell
Henry's Fund
Dedicated to Henry Louis Granju
Zoe's Story
Dedicated to Zoe Kellner
Kacie's Cause
Dedicated to Kacie Erin Rumford
the harris project
Dedicated to Harris Marquesano
Gregg's Gift
Dedicated to Gregg Grossman
Tyler's Light
Dedicated to Tyler Campbell
In Loving Memory of Jon Morelli
Dedicated to Jon Morelli
Jake Koenigsdorf Foundation
Dedicated to Jake Koenigsdorf
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Have a story about substance abuse or depression that you'd like to share? Email strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com , or give us a call at (860) 348-3376, and you can record your story in your own words. Please be sure to include your name and phone number.
Need help with substance abuse or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMHSA National Helpline.
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It's Not Your Heart That Rules Your Emotions It's Your Gut
A few years ago my life was at a crossroads. I was lying dormant in a hospital bed staring up at the peeling ceiling wondering whether I should continue swallowing the twenty pills a day the doctors had prescribed to help my autoimmune disease and fibromyalgia or take a different path that may lead me to find a better quality of life and a life free of drugs.
I always thought that pharmaceutical drugs only masked the symptoms of disease and it turned out that the steroids and immuno-suppressants that I was taking actually made me feel worse because of their Alfred Hitchcock movie like side effects.
Most days when I woke up from an intermittent and interrupted sleep, I felt like a forty year old in an eighty year old woman's body. Like Benjamin Button in reverse. I was bent over double and unable to get out of bed most days. Hideous looking hives covered my entire body and my beautiful thick hair was falling out in clumps upon my pillow. My life was dull and overcast, I looked like the elephant woman because of the high doses of steroids and my once fortunate life was in mayhem.
It was at that point I started researching using food as medicine and decided that I didn't want to become another statistic. I chose to look at health and disease on a deeper level and see where my illness stemmed from and how I could heal it naturally.
We all know by now that developing good eating habits, is paramount and enjoying a diet of fresh and nutritious foods can really help to give your body the fuel it needs to work efficiently. But along with looking after your physical health with a good diet and exercise, taking care of your emotions and mental health is equally important.
At times because I felt no longer in control of my body I became stressed and anxious and felt sick to the stomach and then I discovered that there is a very good reason for that. The stomach or gut is one of the key connections to brain and emotional health and your immune system.
Looking inside your gut or "Other Brain" and improving your gut bacteria can help to turn tummy turmoil around and improve not only your general health but also your emotional health and wellbeing. I realized that my auto-immune disease stemmed from my gut and that is where I would start my quest to find the truth. Bingo!
The world within your gut or second brain as it is commonly referred, involves a multifaceted, interconnected, interdependent relationship between living organisms called micro flora. Micro flora is the complex, diverse microorganism species that live in your digestive tract. These organisms are also referred to as gut flora and are most easily understood as fitting into the categories of either "good bacteria" or "bad bacteria."
'Good' or 'friendly' bacteria complete a multitude of tasks within your body, but some of the common responsibilities of these friendly microbes include working to regulate the gut by neutralizing some of the toxic by-products of your digestion, preventing the growth of harmful, pathogenic bacteria, controlling metabolism, reducing harmful substances such as carcinogens and toxins, gleaning and absorbing energy, nutrients and fatty acids from the foods you eat, producing hormones, training the immune system and communicating to your brain.
Looking more deeply into the connection between the gut and the brain is known as the gut-brain axis and highlights the interdependency between these two areas of the body. In fact, your body has two nervous systems: The central nervous system which is composed of your brain and spinal cord; and the enteric nervous system which is the intrinsic nervous system of your gastrointestinal tract.
Your two nervous systems are formed at the same time during fetal development, and created from identical tissues, connected via the vagus nerve. This is the tenth cranial nerve that runs from your brain stem right down to your abdomen; and is the primary route that your gut bacteria use to transmit messages to your brain.
Knowledge of the vagus nerve completely flips the idea that the brain is in charge of the rest of your body. Rather; it reveals that the gut is largely in control of the body. In fact; your gut sends far more information to your brain than your brain sends to your gut! Wow this was a complete revelation to me.
Just as you have neurons in your brain, you also have neurons within your gut. This includes neurons that produce neurotransmitters such as serotonin. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of wellbeing and happiness, and it's found in its greatest concentration within the gut; not the brain itself.
The ability of the gut microbiota to communicate with the brain and influence behaviour is emerging as a very exciting concept in the scientific world of health and disease. Research proves that your own unique combination of micro flora interacts with you as the host; to form essential relationships that govern the balance and functioning of your entire body.
The close connection between stress-related psychiatric symptoms such as anxiety and gastrointestinal disorders like irritable bowel disease provide further proof of the gut-brain axis exists. The impact of poor gut health on the functioning of the brain has been scientifically linked to a range of illnesses including ADHD, autism, chronic fatigue, OCD, Tourette syndrome, and anxiety and depression. The power of gut health is without a doubt principal to the state of your mind.
Other fascinating scientific findings include the ability of certain probiotics to modulate anti-depressant like behaviour by reducing proinflammatory cytokines and increasing levels of tryptophan; both which have been implicated in depression.
Food alone will not promise a thriving colony of healthy bacteria in your gut. Evidence also suggests that our bacteria respond in damaging ways to the negative emotions and stress of the host. The hormones secreted during a stress response contribute to the overgrowth of bad bacteria.
Your gut and your emotions are a two-way street. They both have the potential to negatively affect one another, so addressing the state of your mental health -- not just the food you eat -- is incredibly important.
I healed my gut and in doing so reversed my autoimmune disease and have never been more well or happy.
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5 Effective Remedies for the Post-Summer Blues
Are you ready for the transition to a new season? A melancholy sadness can creep into our spirit as summer closes. For some, it harkens back to our childhood. The loss of freedom and joy, of carefree days playing with friends, the literal and figurative warmth of summer evenings, combined with the knowledge of imminent confinement to the four walls of a classroom, can create a lasting fear deep inside us that is still felt every year at this time. The quiet child inside our adult selves is still nervous to begin a school year with new classmates and teachers. There is also the dread as adults of vacations coming to an end. September begins a natural time of change in the rhythms of the year -- a season for shifting, getting ready for harvest, and preparation for the winter season ahead. The sun is becoming noticeably lower in the sky, rising later, and setting sooner, signaling our biorhythms that there are only several weeks left until the Fall Equinox, at which time the nights become longer than days in the Northern Hemisphere. We start to feel wistful, nostalgic, and sometimes more seriously saddened and heartbroken at a sense of underlying loss.
We are born to be joyous, but sometimes we need a little nudge to get us there. I am a very sensitive person, and I often feel the weight of the collective consciousness. I feel things at a very deep level, and have found that consciously preparing myself for shifts has helped me so much with transitions. I depend on my spiritual practice to carry me. It is not enough to say, "Oh, just change your attitude." We all have tools that can bring us out of those blues and into the natural joyfulness of our own being.
Here are five wonderful ways to transition out of the late summer blues. These tips can help you swing back to radiance:
1) Gratitude. As a daily practice, first thing in the morning, wake up and think of five things for which you are grateful. Write them in a gratitude journal if you like. Hold them in your consciousness for the day. Pay close attention to the simple things. The sun shining in your room, soft cool sheets, the blueness of the autumn sky, the smell of coffee brewing, the gentle rise and fall of breath from loved ones sleeping around you. I often give thanks for the extra time I had with my father before he passed away. By focusing on the beauty of the moments we shared instead of the sadness in my heart, I am able to uplift my soul with gratitude instead of concentrating on the longing I feel for his morning phone calls.
2) Presence. We tend to start making plans for the future or reminiscing on the beauties of the summer, and all that is lovely. Give yourself a moment to be present in the now. Feel yourself sitting in your chair while listening to the sounds around you, and release the thoughts racing in your mind. Without manipulating anything, just observe where your thoughts are going. Allow yourself to experience any heaviness or sorrow, and then surrender it to the Divine. Without planning ahead and without looking back, be in the moment of bliss. This very moment is such a gift.
3) Breathe. There is a special breath technique in the yogic tradition to help focus your mind on the joy that is being hidden. We call it a square breath -- slowly inhale for a count of 8, hold your breath for a count of 8, exhale slowly for a count of 8, and hold your breath out for a count of 8. Feel the flow of the breath gradually filling your lungs as you inhale, and gently releasing as you exhale. I like to think of a balloon in my lower belly which expands while inhaling and deflates while exhaling. When my mind wonders, I imagine the balloon in a beautiful color with golden light filling the balloon on each inhale. Practice this square breath for three minutes to achieve a positive enhancement in the chemistry of your brain.
4) Intention. Late summer is a natural time to make plans for the season ahead. Set your intentions, create a daily routine, and then release it to your guardian angels. Allow the universe to support you with your deepest dreams. When I take my children to purchase back to school supplies, I also treat myself to new colorful pens and papers. This is the time of year when I create my vision board for fresh new beginnings. You can draw your intentions with uplifting words and cut pictures from magazines to design a lovely artistic creation. When you look at it next September, you will be amazed at how many miracles you have attracted into your life!
5) Forgive and Love. Allow yourself to let go and be free of the grip of resentments. Late summer is a perfect season for forgiveness. This does not mean excusing wrongdoing, or staying in relationships with those who have hurt you; rather, it is about releasing the hold that others' actions may have on you so that you can move on and make real changes in your life. Use an affirmation that you can repeat to yourself when resentment comes up. As an example: "All people need love and compassion, those who have hurt me are just hurting inside." The benefit you gain from releasing resentment far exceeds the need to dwell in blame. Send love. Reach out. Share your heart. Send a note, an email or a text. I love to send actual cards made of paper, written with ink. The more energy we put into this, the more it will vibrate. When we send love and forgiveness to others, a circle is created that resonates into the universe -- creating joy that extends out into the hearts of all. These circles amplify like the ripples in a pond that extend out across the entire surface. They are frequencies of light that bring happiness to others, and joy to our hearts. We are blessed by being in the center of that wonderful ripple of goodness.
I truly hope that these five tips help you to transition comfortably into a time of new beginnings. Breathe in this day and feel the blessings of the sun and the ripe earth. We are joyous beings, and that is the deepest truth within us. If you are feeling the blues and underlying anxiety of the new season ahead, you are not alone. But remember there is joy underneath it all, ready to emerge, and there are ways to shift, and tools to uplift your soul into our natural sensations of light and happiness.
Embracing Hope and Miracles...
Always through the Heart with Love...
Karena
For more information on Karena Virginia, please visit www.karena.tv
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Has 'Excess' Become an Addiction?
Addiction can simply be defined as making short-term choices that have long-term negative consequences. It stands to reason, then, that continuously living life immersed in overdrive could reasonably be considered addictive behavior. In today's world, more and more people are doing just that and regularly confess to me that they are totally stressed out. Yet they continue to pile on the excesses of information, obligations, over-commitments, and instant gratifications at the expense of their physical, emotional and spiritual health.
Current scientific information reveals that inflammation of the brain and nervous system is highly correlated with emotional and physical illness. Other than caused by trauma, viruses, or bacteria, stress is the most obvious culprit. Stressing the human body beyond its capacity to heal interferes with its capacity to rebound. Stress is caused by overloading the body, mind, and spirit with too much for it to handle. In short, there are not enough resources to handle what is demanded.
The grandfather of stress research was the innovative Canadian physician Hans Selye. His seminal work, published in 1936, provided us with what we know happens to the human body and spirit when it is exposed to extended stress of any kind. He clearly demonstrated that overwhelming demands on the body's capacity to respond to challenge will eventually break it down.
The sheer amount of data infiltrating our every moment of every day can hardly be absorbed by a normal body or mind. There are multiple choices for each decision, as well as competing and rapidly-changing resources that may or may not provide us with the best answers. We are bombarded with conflicting challenges and the ever-newest way to do the ever-newest thing.
Whether using rapid-dating sites like Tinder, shopping for medical advice, or creating multiple spread sheets, you are likely spending most of your day multi-tasking and multi-deciding under pressure. And when you are at the end of your rope, you push yourself to work hard at refurbishing through your yoga class, your transcendental meditation, or your workout regimen as you desperately try to compensate for the damage you've done to your body and soul.
Here's what too much pressure looks like in your body. There is a crisis looming in front of you that requires you to adapt to the incoming challenge. Your body produces cortisol and adrenaline, taking nutrients and energy from other organs to prepare you for fight or flight. Your sympathetic nervous system is in full military gear, ready to take on the demand for action.
Liken yourself to a fire engine. You're prepared and ready to efficiently respond to the next alarm. The bell goes off and you're out the door. You are adrenalized, focused, tooled, and efficient. When the fire is out, and the necessary arrangements are made for damage control, you come back into the station where you are washed, refurbished, gassed up, and rested until the next alarm goes off. You're not only at peak efficiency; you are being constantly updated, retooled, and improved.
After you put out the symbolic fire, your body drops into a parasympathetic state, your place to rest and rebalance. All your internal machinery's millions of "Santa's helpers" are running around like crazy putting everything back where it belongs, and getting you ready for the next crisis.
But what if another challenge is immediately in store? And then, another? Now your body is filled with stress hormones, you have lost the ability to comfortably weigh alternatives, and you are limited in what's left of your resources. You're making too much stomach acid, your adrenals are enlarging, and you're badly sabotaging your immune system. By this time, you're having trouble sleeping at night, breathing too rapidly during the day, forgetting things you never would have before, and feel a panic attack lurking.
But the demands keep coming because you can't let anything go and you feel that no one can do it as well or as correctly as you can. So you continue to pile up the counter-attack repository. A tranquilizer to calm down. Ambien to sleep. Maybe an anti-depressant to balance out your serotonin. Starbucks on retainer. Perhaps a stimulant to counteract the ADHD that you've enervated by too much hyper-focus. Alcohol to stay in the moment and let the past and future artificially disappear for a while, then do damage control when you're sober. You're going down for the count, and it's only a matter of time that your weakest link will go.
You are now officially experiencing battle fatigue. You are a soldier on your own front lines who has probably forgotten why you are there, and are in danger of mistaking your enemies for your allies. Your best friends are beginning to avoid you, your boss has started waking you up after your coffee break, and your intimate partner is making plans to hang out with calmer and less dangerous people who are actually happy.
You have become an addict to excess.
In my 41 years of practice, I have watched many quality people of both genders put this kind of wear and tear on their bodies and minds. We now have legitimately established that this level of extended pressure not only precedes and causes illness, but also accelerates aging. Unfortunately, some of my patients have experienced actual traumas like heart attacks, severe auto-immune responses, or emotional breakdowns. Every one of them told me they saw it coming. They just thought they could outrun the odds.
If you're one of those normally sane and clear-thinking people who have fallen into the trap of entangled and extreme intertwinement with the demands of the modern world, you can change some of your behaviors and take better care of yourself, without needing to escape to a remote island. In lieu of the absence of an "excess anonymous" group, they may keep you from burning out.
1) Get rid of all energy drains. Those are behaviors that take a great deal of your time but rarely change your life in a positive direction. For instance, don't waste physical or emotional fuel dealing with unresolvable conflicts or fussing over something that is going to stay stuck. Outrage makes people physically and emotionally sick and the person causing you to feel that way is probably not upset. Defensiveness is exhausting and rarely resolves any disagreement. The most confounding and energy wasting behavior of all is being attached to an improbable outcome.
2) Lose your lists. You don't want on your tombstone, "I got that one crossed off, too." Post-it notes are wonderful reminders of things you'd like to do but can become "obligation wallpaper" when you have more to do than you can possibly accomplish.
3) If at all possible, disconnect from anything, anyone, or any concerns that cost more in the long run than what you get in return. Sacrificing for something deeply meaningful is good for you, but martyrdom and resentment feed and sustain tortured souls.
4) Adopt the maxim, "Don't put energy into anything you cannot change." Feeling responsible for someone or something when you cannot affect the outcome will drain your resources with no tangible result. Try to emotionally step back from offering time or energy to situations over which you have no control. You can be concerned, but not involved.
5) Dump unnecessary drama. We often unknowingly and unwittingly make small things too big, and use up resources we need for other things.
6) Get your priorities straight. It is as important to say "no thank you," as it is to be fully able to embrace what you choose to do.
7) Don't try to balance your excesses with escapes. For many, that is the overuse of alcohol or drugs, but can refer to anything you do that tries to compensate for overdoing it. Intense attempts to heal what should never have been broken in the first place can mask the damage that is still occurring.
8) Pay attention to daily miracles. Like, for instance, the fact that your body will separate out nutrients from waste automatically for you. You'd be pretty busy if you had to do that manually and it wouldn't be a job you'd look forward to. Breathing is another miracle we take for granted. Yet, most of us take that process for granted. Think about what happens every day of your life you would be terribly sad without. Keep a running list that you can refer to every day.
9) Move. Your body needs to metabolize efficiently so that it keeps a perfect balance between taking in nutrients and getting rid of waste products. Moving keeps you in touch with your body and helps it to run more efficiently. Think never driving your car and expecting it to start when you need it.
10) Meditate or pray regularly. Current scientific evidence shows that you can actually remodel your brain when you take the time to go inward and remember why you are on the planet.
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What I Learned From Sleeping Through a 6.0 Earthquake
We live on plates pushing against each other, and one day they violently pull apart, leaving destruction in their path. Cancer is like an earthquake. When you're diagnosed, your whole world rips apart, leaving devastation and plenty of aftershock in its wake.
In retrospect, it was reminiscent of my initial diagnosis where I essentially slept through the doctor telling me I had cancer because I felt like I was floating above the clinic room. I did not fully digest all the information right away -- it came later on in waves.
You never expect the aftershock. Well, you never expect the initial "BOOM" either, aka the "You have cancer" moment. But it's the aftershock that is even sneakier. It leaves you shaking because you thought the worst was over.
They can come in many forms anything from sudden panic attacks to overall anxiety. Something I noticed was how the aftershocks changed when I came home from treatment. Treatment time felt like one big protected bubble. I knew where I would be everyday and what would be expected of me. Now that I'm back home, I know where I'll be each day, but I'm not interacting with nurses and doctors on an everyday basis, yet rather my parents, little brother and sister -- each of whom have a very deep personal investment in my well being. An investment that sometimes can cause more anxiety and weight to the already heavy circumstance.
The greatest challenge of getting through the shocks is the fact that it feels like you're the only one that can feel them. No one looks to be shaking, but you.
What helps me ride somewhat peacefully through the shocks is reiki and reflexology. Reiki is when an energy healer lightly puts their hands on or slightly above your body. It works to restore the "life force energy" within the body. High "life force energy" means a healthy individual whereas low "life force energy" means the opposite. After a reiki session you leave feeling at peace and balanced. In conjunction with reiki I also find reflexology helpful.
Reflexology is different than reiki in that actual pressure is used on the feet to target specific energy zones within the body to release the tension to allow for energy flow and in turn healing. In my case my energy healer focuses on my big toe mainly because the big toe is representative of the head. Sometimes when she is working I feel tingles in my head where my tumor is located. At first it scared me, but now after everything I've been through it comforts me knowing that what she is doing is working. After a session combining both reiki and reflexology I leave feeling at peace and free from anxiety, which is next to impossible these days.
Everyone, cancer or not, deals with aftershocks. They can ripple through our lives causing anxiety, depression and a host of other issues until we confront them. After a huge catastrophe in your life it unfortunately doesn't end there; we have to deal with the debris around us. It's all about how we choose to work through the debris. Do we let it pile up on top of us or do we pick up the trash and slowly throw it away piece by piece?
I'm very slowly throwing the trash away by using strategies such as reiki and reflexology, but there are so many other ways as well. What helps you get through your aftershock? Let me know in the comment section below!
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When Does A Person Reach Their Expiration Date? Never. The Answer Is Never
This satirical ad from a community group formed to advocate for the elderly in Ontario, Canada, is inspired by those hard-to-read dates printed on perishables in the grocery store. The Peterborough Council On Aging's message challenges how society treats people as they age. Encouraging us to rethink the way we look at growing older, the ad reminds us that we're all human beings, no matter how many candles are on our birthday cakes.
A person is never a product that has "gone bad." Whether 2 or 82, a person is still a person, deserving of respect and equipped with the potential to really shake things up.
We agree with the Council. People don't have "best before" dates, and it's time we stopped pretending they do.
h/t Upworthy
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