These Animals Will Make You Love Your Imperfections In 2014

It's almost 2014, and you're feeling seriously motivated to make some major life improvements.



You've imagined a year full of weight loss, wisdom, and sticking to a budget. Hours before the clock strikes midnight, imagining your new and improved self makes you feel kind of like this guy:







But alas, new year's morning rolls around, and you're lying in bed with a hangover. You spend your days ruing the resolutions that never got off the ground. But you know what? That's OK.



These animals will teach you to love yourself.. NO MATTER WHAT.



You'll aim to eat healthier, but sometimes the sight of a fruit will make you want to cry.





There ain't nothin' wrong with indulging every once in awhile -- right, little squirrel?







You'll try and get your exercise in. You'll work those muscles.







But if you want to sit on the couch one day, gosh darnit, sit on the couch. Who did a few extra rolls ever hurt, anyway? Not this guy.







Maybe you want to be the type of person that makes new friends this year. That's cool.







But feel free to just love up on your old friends all year long, too.







Or you've decided to be brave and venture outside your comfort zone.







But being brave isn't always fun. So sometimes all you'll want is your favorite blankie.







The point is, January 1st is a great time to set goals for yourself. Everybody can use some improvement. (Except for maybe this kitten. He's pretty perfect.)







So if you only make one change this year, let it be this: Learn to love your imperfections.







Happy New Year!



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/animal-new-years-resolutions_n_4518890.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Performance Anxiety Study Suggests Getting Excited Helps More Than Trying To Calm Down

Sweaty palms. Dry mouth. A throbbing heart. At some point, most of us have experienced these awful symptoms of stage fright. And we've all heard that deep-breathing and other techniques for calming down are best for reining in these symptoms.



But maybe that familiar advice is all wrong.



A provocative new study suggests that rather than trying to calm down, you may be better off embracing your nerves and getting excited.



“When you feel anxious, you’re ruminating too much and focusing on potential threats,” study author Dr. Alison Wood Brooks, assistant professor of business administration at Harvard Business School, said in a written statement. “In those circumstances, people should try to focus on the potential opportunities. It really does pay to be positive, and people should say they are excited. Even if they don’t believe it at first, saying ‘I’m excited’ out loud increases authentic feelings of excitement.”



Why excitement? It's actually similar to anxiety.



"Anxiety is a negative valence emotion with high arousal, excitement is a positive valence emotion with high arousal," Dr. Philippe Goldin, a neuroscientist at Stanford University who was not involved in this study, told The Huffington Post in an email. "Anxiety is normal and often helpful in focusing attention and drive to get things done, take action; when anxiety is above a threshold both in intensity and duration it begins to be corrosive and undermine productivity and wellbeing."



And as clinical psychologist Dr. Guy Winch, a HuffPost blogger and author of the book "Emotional First Aid," told The Huffington Post, our bodies experience many of the same physiological responses when we’re excited as when we’re anxious.



"It’s your mind that’s putting a different spin on what your body is going through," said Winch, who was not involved in the study.



The study included three separate experiments. In the first, 140 men and women were asked to deliver a speech that would be videotaped. Before giving the speech, some people were told to say “I am excited.” Others were told to say, “I am calm.”



What happened? Those who told themselves they were excited were rated as more persuasive and relaxed.



In the second experiment, 188 men and women were given difficult math problems to complete. Before the assignment, some read to themselves, “Try to get excited.” Others read the message “Try to remain calm." A control group were given nothing to read.



In this experiment, those who read "get excited" scored 8 percent higher on average than those in the other groups.



The final experiment involved 113 men and women who were directed to sing a song for a karaoke video game. Those who were told to say they were excited before singing scored 80 percent, on average. Those who were told to say they were calm, angry, sad, or anxious before singing scored lower.



Winch likened the findings to what many people experience when they anticipate riding a roller coaster or another scary attraction. Really, who wants to plummet several hundred feet?



“But the difference is because you know it’s a ride, because your mind knows you’re safe, that same feeling of terror translates to something that is enjoyable," Winch said. “It allows people to reinterpret the visceral feelings of their physiological responses from anxiety and dread to excitement."



The study was published online in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General on Dec. 23, 2013.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/performance-anxiety-study-excitement_n_4519258.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Rules at Impact: How to Survive Early Grief

Accidents, catastrophes, sudden illnesses or medical events -- statistically unlikely things happen all the time. People die with no warning. Even when you see death coming, the impact can still come as a surprise.



Grief erupts into your life, rearranging everything.



The first weeks and months after an out-of-order death are a world unto themselves. At that initial time of impact, few things bring comfort. Things that brought comfort in the past become flimsy under the weight of this kind of grief. Words of intended comfort just grate. Encouragement is not really helpful. Platitudes never help.



The truth is, survival in early grief has a very small circumference. It's not an ordinary time, and ordinary rules do not apply.



In the first few months of my own grief, I had a list of survival rules. They hung on the wall next to a chair in my kitchen, where I spent hours and hours just trying to breathe. I've written those rules out for you here, in hopes you might find something to hold on to.



1. Safety first. If you are driving while crying too hard to see straight, pull over. If you are about to get in the car, help yourself calm down before you start. Distraught driving is dangerous.



Let's be honest here, sometimes you do not care one bit about your own "safety." I know. What kept my hands on the wheel in those cannot-care-about-myself moments was knowing I did not want to create another me. I kept driving, or stopped driving, because I did not want to risk harming someone else. I would not chance creating another widow. I did not want to mess up someone else's life, or cause anyone else any pain, by creating an accident scene they had to clean up.



So -- safety first. Do it for yourself, if you can. Do it for others if you must.



2. Drink. Drink water. Number two on my own early list was: Crying for three months has really been dehydrating. Please drink water.



Oh, it was so early then. I can close my eyes and feel it. The same is as true now as it was then: Drink. Drink water. Your body needs it.



3. Move. Number one on that survival list said "move: this is the most reliable thing." And by "reliable," I think I meant that moving was the thing most likely to induce even the smallest measure of calm. Do yoga, go for a run, or a hike, or a walk. Even to the top of the block and back is a good place to begin. Not because it solves anything, but because movement is good.



4. Get outside. Being outside in a non-human world is a relief; the trees will not ask "how are you really?" and the wind does not care if you cry. There is a lot to be said about being in places that don't need anything from you.



Getting out into the natural world can be a bit tricky if your loss happened outside in nature; you may need to experiment. For example, I still find the presence of water a necessity, though rushing rivers are no longer a place I can be. Find a place, and let the earth hold you up for awhile.



5. Tend something. This is also on my early survival list. Clean out the garden. Water the plants. Brush the animals. Bake someone a cake. Send a care package. Why this soothed me, I don't know. I'm sure it has something to do with thinking of others, or giving love, or getting out of myself for awhile. Whatever the reason, tending something seemed to help. It did then, and it still does now.



6. Read. My notes from back then say simply: Reading seems to put you in a better place.



If you are a reader by nature, you may find yourself starving for words. I read and discarded more books than I can remember now. The ones that fed me, I devoured. It's true: The right words will put you in a better place.



7. Shower. Really. You will feel just the tiniest bit better. The same goes for sweeping the floor or any other seemingly tedious and irrelevant task of hygiene. Really. You will feel just the tiniest bit better to be clean.



8. Eat. This is a tricky one. Some people eat under stress; some people, like me, lose all interest in food. I dropped over 20 pounds within the first few months. I simply did not eat. My nutrients came largely from the cream in my tea and the occasional cupcake. Every few-to-several days, I might eat a few bites of something more.



I was fortunate -- there was no lasting damage to my physical body. I was also under my doctor's care at this time, and she let me know she would intervene if she felt I was in danger. Your body may respond differently. Some people develop serious, lasting physical challenges due to what we call "the grief diet."



You might find that small doses of healthy, nutrient-dense food are more easily tolerated by your mind and body than full-on meals. Do what you can.



9. Do not turn your anger on yourself. Looking back on this list now, I am somewhat amazed at myself for this one. I wrote: do not turn your anger in on yourself. This is what you are doing when you think you aren't doing your grief right, that you're the one messing up your continued connection, that you should be better at this. Notice you're angry. Call it that. Name it for what it is, don't turn it on yourself. The answer to constriction and anger is to name it, express it, not beat on yourself.



The current me has nothing else to add to what I wrote back then.



10. Say no. Say yes. You cannot afford any big drains to your energy, and you can't afford to miss too many ways to replenish it. This will mean saying no to people, places, and events that are too much for you. It will mean leaving a place you thought you could be, right in the middle of everything.



This also means saying the occasional yes to things that have brought, or could bring, a small amount of light or love into your hour, your day, your week. Try out that new meditation group you read about, explore the group for new widows. Sit in empty churches in their off hours, or go to satsang while it's full. Meet your old friends for tea. Be willing to gift yourself some light.



Say no to what drains you further, say yes to what might offer even the smallest respite or support.



While these are the highlights from my list, the most supportive rules or guidelines for this time will come out of your own experience.



You know yourself best.



The core parts of you, the ways you care for yourself, the ways you find solace and connection -- these have not completely changed, though they may feel irrelevant.



It's true that unexpected death messes with your world in a way few things can. Adding to this list, or creating a whole new one of your own, might give you just the tiniest roadmap inside a wholly disorienting time.



Megan Devine is a licensed clinical counselor, writer, and grief advocate. She's the author of Everything is Not Okay, an audio program on living with grief. You can find this and other resources at www.refugeingrief.com.



If you have questions about grief, or need more support, let's talk. You can schedule a free 30 minute phone-call right here.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-devine/grief_b_4509905.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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16 Things Your Boyfriend Should Be Telling You

Dear Ladies Who Are On The Fence About Whether Or Not to Dump The Guy Who's Taking You For Granted: Here's what you should be hearing from the guy who's worthy of your time. Maybe not right away, but within, say, three to six months. Otherwise, hit the "next" button. For the sake of both you and all the guys out there who are waiting for you to be single again.



1. I adore you. This isn't about sex; this isn't about desire. This is about how you make me glow whenever you walk into a room, glad that you just exist, whether I'm the guy beside you or just someone admiring you from twenty feet away.



2. You inspire me. I love how you're living your life, what you're devoting yourself to, how you're spending your time, what path you've chosen, how you deal with the people around you.



3. I respect you. You're the first person I think of when I want a serious opinion on something. Anything. From topics like "Am I being an asshole here?" to "Which is better, Mad Men or Breaking Bad?"



4. I just love kissing you. Okay, so, years from now, if by some awful paragliding accident we both end up paralyzed and have no use of our lower extremities and can never get it on again, I'll still feel pretty good about it as long as I can just kiss you as much as I want.



5. I don't want to change you. Yes, there are some things about you that I don't get. That I don't love. But you're you. And all the other stuff that comes with you, I would never want to lose. So I don't want to disturb the equation. I want to keep it intact. And just help it grow.



6. I accept your drama. Sure, you've got some anger issues with your mom. Or dad. Or sister. Or job that you're trying to get out of. I can handle that, even when it's a bit exhausting. I even support it. None of us is drama-free, me especially. I respect that you're fighting against something.



7. I've totally got the hots for you. As in: Seriously, can we get these clothes off already? I'm dying here. We should really find our way to the nearest bedroom. Or kitchen. Or rooftop.



8. I love that you tell me off sometimes. Seriously. I may not always admit it, but I respect it. I'm full of bullshit sometimes, and I like to know you won't take it. If I'm gonna have someone by my side, I better know she didn't just fall for the first guy that came along, and she'll keep holding me to my higher standards. I don't want a pushover.



9. You're on my mind. Constantly. Especially when I'm supposed to be thinking about something else. When I'm at work, giving a presentation, watching a movie with my buds. There you are, all in the middle of my shit, outta nowhere. And yet, I can't help but smile.



10. You captivate me. You have my full attention. I'm not thinking about her. Or her. Or her. Just you. Oh, and that presentation I have this week. And my taxes that are due. But mostly just you.



11. I forgive you. The other day, you were completely crazy. Seriously, you went off the deep end about something. You blamed me for something I didn't do, or didn't actually say, or didn't actually think. But hey, you're human, you're allowed a "gimme" now and then. (As am I.) And look, with all the beauty you bring to my life, I'm still coming out way ahead.



12. I love you. Sorry to get all heavy on you, but it's true. While the last guy you dated for three years could never say it, I'm telling you now: I love you. You're wonderful. I want to be more like you. I want others to be more like you. I want whatever kids we might hypothetically have together to be like you. You're my idea of a fantastic person. I want to help you be as "you" as possible.



13. I can't stop talking about you. You're not some little secret I keep. Or hide. You're my favorite thing on the planet. I told my mom about you before we even had our first date. I told my buddies about you immediately after our first date (didn't wanna jinx it). You're a story I could tell over and over and over again.



14. I see my future with you. Sure, I may not say this right away -- I mean hopefully I won't say this right away, for fear of scaring you off -- but I'm thinking about it. We men, we can be planners, we can project, we can get ahead of ourselves. And me? I wanna get ahead of myself with you.



15. I just need to hold you. I may not always feel like having sex. I may not always feel like kissing. But I just need to be kinda near you. Be next to you. Be unable to lay away from you on the bed without wrapping myself around you. I don't even understand it, frankly, but I do. So accept it, please. It's something that something inside of me knows I need.



16. Thank you. For existing. For being you. For having your smile. For having the laugh that you do. For laughing at the things you do. For not laughing at the things you think are too stupid. For having a point of view and a strong sense of self. For wearing that amazing skirt the day I met you. For not wearing it when I introduced you to my mom. For having your standards. For getting pissed off when something matters. For showing your appreciation when you see beauty. For just existing. Seriously, I may never even get a chance with you, and if so, so be it. I'm just glad the universe made you. It makes me feel a lot better about the place I live in. But, barring that, come here please. I need to kiss you now. And for a while after that.



This piece was originally run on The Good Men Project.


You may also like by Mark Radcliffe:



17 Reasons I'm Still in Love With You



Don't Fall in Love. Fly in Love.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/markradcliffe/things-your-boyfriend-should-say_b_4524654.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Why You Should Start Talking to Yourself

Whether you spend most of your time alone or you have a strong tribe surrounding and supporting you, it's important to remember that you are the only person who will be there 100 percent of your life. So long as you're alive, the only person you can really, truly count on is you.



As you grow, shift, and step into your truth during this lifetime, you may begin to cycle through people. Family grows older, sometimes more distant, and eventually, some pass on. Friends go through life changes of their own, often times creating distance as you both venture forward on your own paths. Relationships shift, evolve, and sometimes end.



The only thing that's consistent in life is that things constantly change... including people.



Change can be challenging... and as you step into the next season of your life or evolution of yourself, it can also be incredibly isolating. Sometimes in order to move forward, we have to release those that no longer serve us, and until we find the new tribe, that can leave us with only ourselves.







So in order to work through these times,

you have to learn to support yourself.



And yes, that means you need to learn talk to yourself.



This doesn't mean you run over to the local coffee shop and have a lovely conversation with yourself about current events, it means that you become your biggest supporter, best friend, and your own life coach. It means instead of wallowing in isolation or looping negative thoughts all day long, you be kind to yourself.



Look in the mirror and verbally remind yourself that you're beautiful, loved, and doing what's best for you. When you fall off the wagon on your diet plan, gently remind yourself that it's okay, everyone makes mistakes, you'll do better tomorrow. When you're working through a difficult shift, take a moment to check in with yourself and reconnect with why you chose to make this change in the first place.



Talk to yourself like the best friend you are to others or the one you'd want for yourself. Be kind, supportive, reassuring, and quick to brush negativity aside.



When you're able to form a solid bond and support system with yourself, life is suddenly less intense, less isolating and less negative. Instead of berating yourself constantly, you feel safe and loved within your own body. This is such a powerful space to exist in.



When you feel safe, loved and supported, all by yourself, you become less desperate for approval from outside sources or relationships. You are content by yourself. You don't need anyone's help to make the changes you need to make, because you have your own back. You also don't have as much trouble releasing what (and who) doesn't serve you because you're not afraid of being alone. You have you, and that's all you need.



As a bonus, this shift also allows you to enter into new relationships with certainty, clarity, clear boundaries, and zero dependency. It allows you to attract the right people into your life because you're beaming with a loving, accepting, clear and complete energy.



Take action now!



Start talking to yourself. Go find a mirror and a safe space and tell yourself that you'll be there from here on out. Start checking in with yourself and learning to trust your intuition. Be your own best friend and stop depending on other people to care, listen, support or be there. If they are, wonderful! If not, learn to be content with yourself.



Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www.stepheniezamora.com, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to download her free guide, "The Unexpected Trick to Transforming Your Life With ONE Single Question."



Connect with Stephenie on Facebook and Twitter!



For more by Stephenie Zamora, click here.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephenie-zamora/why-you-should-start-talk_b_4461828.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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No More New Years' Resolutions

So many New Year's Resolutions are under the assumption that we are broken. We are doing life all wrong. So much of life already promotes those loathsome feelings, along with magnifying our imperfections, insecurities and inabilities. It's exhausting. Life is hard enough. I find plenty about myself imperfect, I'm not about to let a fresh, brand new year be the reason for more self-hatred and loathing. I say this year we stay unresolved, exactly the way we are.



Instead of resolutions, I choose intentions, and this year they consist of the following:



1. Pain can make you bitter, or it can teach you kindness and calm, authenticity and perspective, empathy and peace. I choose the good stuff. This year, I will work to let go of fear, anger, judgement and jealousy. These emotions are a sharp plug, directly siphoning out joy, lightheartedness and happiness in their most sacred and concentrated of forms. Every painful situation I've encountered has made me better and taught me significant lessons. I want these lessons to remain sticky all year long.



2. I refuse to wait to be happy. The answer is not finally getting organized or losing five pounds or joining a gym, or landing my dream job. There are no questions that must be answered before you find your happiness. Happiness is already inside you, waiting to be uncovered and nurtured. Name three adjectives that bring you joy- grow those bigger. Mine are adventure, learning and giving. Put your adjectives on a post it on your bathroom mirror.



My boys, Greyson, 4, and Parker, 2, allow me to refuel all three.



3. Welcome a silent mind. Life is made up entirely of moments -- not forevers. Sometimes in the middle of a painful moment, that lesson feels impossible to remember. Our mind races with the burden of the unbearable. Sometimes it helps to seek silence. Remember- this is just a moment, not my forever. Sometimes the calm comes during the not thinking. I think back to every important decision or realization I've ever made. The answers always came in the silence, never in the chaos.



This year I want to fall madly in love... with myself.



Because my greatest accomplishments and happiest moments of my past came naturally when I felt like I was a pretty okay person.



Welcome 2014, with you, anything is possible.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chrissy-kelly/no-more-new-years-resolut_1_b_4522106.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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52 Tips to Get Unstuck in 2014

Sometimes I dread the new year for this uneasy feeling of making resolutions that may not stick.



The problem with resolutions is the follow through.



I would get lazy, lost or overwhelmed by something "more important."



Each time I would gain some momentum in my life, my mind would create these negative stories, causing me stop following through on trying to lose weight, recharge my career or do something meaningful for my quest to get my book published.



My mind held me back and made me feel stuck.



Over the last few years, I made this important realization: Finding a way to overcome our mind's negative overthinking is a powerful way to get unstuck. And it requires not some bold, unique strategy but a simple one.



To get unstuck and follow through on our goals, we need to break the pattern of overthinking, replacing it with something more useful -- even if it's for a brief moment.



... must... break... old... pattern



And so for 2014, I have developed a few tips that I have used daily to help interrupt the negative pattern of overthinking that keeps us from achieving our resolutions and goals and makes us feel stuck.



To get unstuck in life... to move forward on our 2014 goals, it helps to try these simple techniques whenever we encounter the disabling force of our overthinking mind.



I want to help you get unstuck in life because I truly believe that each of us are meant to be making a positive contribution to the place we work, the people who we love and the passion we pursue.



Here are 52 tips to get unstuck and move forward in 2014:



1. Accept things as they are not as you wish they were or ought to be



2. Don't listen to negative people



3. Start the morning off on the right foot by creating your vision for the day, listening to positive words, writing and creating



4. Read one page from an inspiring book



5. Take action right this minute



6. Get busy with a specific project



7. Insert positive ideas into your head proactively twice a day



8. Turn off the news



9. Stay away from gossip



10. Exercise for just 15 minutes each day



11. Take a course, a seminar or a class that teaches you something new



12. Do something really hard that requires your total concentration



13. Set a goal and work towards it



14. Believe that the possibility of success lies at the intersection of work and persistence



15. Listen to someone tell a story about their life



16. Learn one new skill



17. Read a book that teaches you something



18. Change your body's posture



19. Call a friend



20. Get off Facebook and social media for a half a day



21. Write down what you really want to achieve in your life... write from the heart not from your head



22. Attend a meetup or a conference where you're likely to meet interesting people



23. Take a lesson on how to swim, play tennis or any other sport



24. Read a biography about someone interesting you admire



25. Find someone who's doing what you want to do and say to yourself, "If he/she can do it, why CAN'T I?" and get busy doing it



26. Feed your body natural foods



27. Decrease your caffeine and increase water intake



28. Meditate or connect with your higher self each day



29. Smile at the smallest things



30. Watch an inspirational movie that lifts you up



31. Talk to someone who has been through a rough time and ask them what they learned



32. Take small actions towards your bigger goal every single day



33. Pinch yourself each time you start going down a negative spiral of thoughts



34. Have 4 or 5 rituals that you do every single day no matter what happens



35. Celebrate the small milestones because it fuels your momentum towards your bigger success



36. Ignore the critics because you know the real truth: that you are unstoppable



37. Start a conversation with a total stranger at the supermarket or coffee shop



38. Stop believing that others are more fortunate than you -- because you don't know the chaos that people have been through



39. Participate, contribute and share



40. Volunteer for a tough assignment, project or task



41. Travel to an unknown place and force yourself to take public transportation when you get there



42. Eat and drink at the right time of the day, when your body needs it



43. Set a compelling goal for yourself for 3 months and put it on a piece of paper and stick it all of your home where you see it morning, noon and night



44. Start without having a complete plan. Most of us figure it out as we go.



45. Take every rejection or problem as an offering from life for you to grow



46. Be strong in your beliefs but flexible with your plans



47. Say YES more often



48. Work really, really hard at something you believe in



49. Spend more time doing than planning



50. Recognize that your future is unwritten and being created right now



51. Put as much trust and faith in yourself as you have in someone you respect



52. Use your hands to fix something that needs your effort



Learning to get unstuck in life doesn't have to be so complicated.



It can be as simple as making a call, writing something down, going somewhere and meeting people.



The key is to stop overthinking the future or the direction in your life and to start doing something. Anything that brings out our abilities, our purpose and our passion.



No one will have the perfect path, the perfect job, the perfect career or perfect life because perfection is an illusion. Once we learn to accept the ups and downs and simply move forward, we will get unstuck in life and start living.



I wish you great success, prosperity, success, happiness and lots of fun in 2014.



-- Bob Miglani



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-miglani/52-tips-to-get-unstuck-in_b_4520274.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Making New Year's Resolutions: Tap Into the Power of Intention

Have you ever set your New Year's resolutions only to find a few months after that you lost interest, moved onto something more urgent or just ditched the idea altogether? It's not enough to set goals -- what's missing is tapping into your intention. Here are five ways to help you achieve your resolutions, and enjoy the journey along the way.



The Myth of New Year's Resolutions

A new year indicates a new start, and it's easy to get excited about that. Out with the old patterns that did not move us forward and in with brand new goals that will change everything. What is often overlooked is that the reason resolutions often do not work is because you are starting out from a place of frustration or judgment about the situation you wish to change. "I want to lose 10 pounds... and I'm so fed up with how bad I feel in my clothes, and how I can't resist eating late at night." Every new year, while there's often a honeymoon period where your motivation is high, when the inevitable challenges or setbacks appear (life happens), the critic's mind is primed to chime in with negative messages. "I knew you couldn't do it, there are too many distractions, it's too hard..." What is really hard is fighting back the discouraging and constant messages of the inner critic. That's where intentions come in.



Why Intention Matters

Your intention is far more than the goal or objective you have set. It also includes how you want to feel along the way. Let's say your goal is to finish a marathon next year. Your intention could be to make the training fun and social. If your goal is to learn a new sport or instrument, your intention could be to feel alive and joyous just because you are making time to practice it. Ask yourself: What kind of experience do I want to create as I'm moving towards my goal? Can I be on the lookout for my own self-critical messages and set it up so that I appreciate just showing up, which is half the battle anyways? Here are five steps to move forward:



1. Accept where you are

When thinking of a resolution, self-acceptance goes a long way. Instead of coming from a place of judgment and pressure, come from a place of curiosity and meaning. "What would it be like if... This matters because..." Instead of making lofty and long-term goals that are not sustainable, set up some baby steps which allow you to feel good about being in the process of moving forward. Focus on something for a month or two. Some research says it takes 21 days to change a habit, some suggests 66 is the magic number. The point is, you get better at whatever you practice. Give yourself some love for even little victories.



2. How you want to feel inside yourself

Deliberately set an intention of how you want to feel while moving towards your resolution. Realize that challenges are part of the journey. What will you say to yourself when they come up? Do you want to focus on and appreciate your efforts, rather than only your results?



3. How you want to feel with others

How you interact with the people around you, also contributes to how you will feel while you are working towards your goal. If there are other people around, set your intention for the kind of interaction you would like to have with them. (calm, harmonious, fun, etc.) What would that look like?



4. A tip from top athletes

Top athletes are taught that doing their physical practice sessions is not enough. They have to visualize themselves doing their best and actually experience how they would feel in that state. They are encouraged to run a mental movie of what they would be like as they work towards and finally achieve their goal. Imagine yourself achieving your goal. In your mental movie, how do you feel? What would you say to yourself in your mind, what emotions would you experience in your body? Research from University of Chicago has shown that athletes that visualized their progress had very similar results as those who physically practiced. Visualization activates new neural pathways. This is powerful!



5. Relax in your intention

We've all heard that it's the journey, not just the destination. While goals can be specific and set, intentions should be more fluid and relaxed. Create your intention, the way you want to feel while moving towards your goal, and let it go. You are setting an energetic foundation for progress. By building in your intention with your goal, you give yourself a huge advantage in reaching it. If you can detach yourself from the minutia of reaching that resolution, and surrender to the feeling of achieving it, you may be surprised at how easy it becomes.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/randy-taran/making-new-years-resoluti_1_b_4520596.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Say No to January

Hands up those of you giving up booze for January? Now those planning a detox New Year diet? Wow, I feel slightly depressed already. How on Earth are you going to get through the dark evenings and dreary mornings?



Have you ever noticed how many New Year resolutions are all about giving things up? During the most depressing month of the year, instead of indulging in the things that make us happy, we ban the good bits and suck all the fun out of life.



With this in mind, this January at HuffPost UK, we've decided to twist things on their head and instead of saying no to all things we love, we're saying yes to everything life affirming instead.



So it's out with abstinence and in with empowerment, rejuvenation and renewal.



In a nutshell, we're saying you don't have to subtract from yourself this month, or beat yourself up about all the things you haven't accomplished, instead we're trying to inject a more positive, healthy attitude into how we approach the coming year.



For those of you who fancy joining in, there will be plenty of ideas in our Say No To January section right here, but there are also a few suggestions to kick things off below.



For starters, instead of giving up chocolate, why not learn to make raw chocolate instead? I've persuaded my raw foodie sister to divulge her recipe, which I can personally vouch for and is entirely to blame for my new-found chocolate snobbery. I assure you, once you've tasted it, Twirl bars just don't cut it anymore.



If you were planning on giving up alcohol, maybe sign up for a wine tasting course instead? That's exactly what our executive editor, Steve Hull, is doing.



He's not the only one practicing what we preach. Lifestyle ed, Poorna, is going to learn to weight train properly.



"I've had loads of people trying to put me off, saying it'll be bad for my bad or I'll bulk up like Arnie, but the experts say it is a brilliant way to look strong, and most importantly feel strong." she says. "I couldn't think of a better way to start the year."



Elsewhere on our lifestyle team, Brogan Driscoll is taking up mindfulness, no doubt aided by Mark Williams' book on the topic, which has been a must-read in the HuffPost office for the past six months.



As for me, I'm taking myself on holiday. Screw hoarding all those annual leave days until the end of the year when I'm too busy to take them. Come the second week of Jan, I'll be practicing yoga on the beach in Morocco, while my brother-in-law hits the surf and my sister and I take it in turns to hold their baby.



Family, sun and a few downward dogs... sounds like a pretty good way to say no to January, don't you think?



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/carla-buzasi/january-detox-diets_b_4524221.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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'Minimum Max,' Teen With ADHD: 'I'm Destined To Be A Failure'

"Minimum Max" is the title of this short film and its leading fictional character, but it was inspired by the real life of a teenage director named Josh Ovalle.



The character "Max," like Ovalle, has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 1 in 10 children have been diagnosed with it. Recently, experts have begun to question the long-term effectiveness of using medication to treat ADHD, but drugs like Adderall or Ritalin, which are low-cost and treat symptoms quickly, are still widely prescribed.



The message of Ovalle's short film is anti-medication, and the story follows a young boy who is "destined to be a failure" because of his short attention span and lack of academic success. He is prescribed pills to help him concentrate, but they only make him feel worse. The visuals Ovalle and his co-director Phil Venti use to tell the story are creative and impressive (it's hard to believe they are only teens) and the clip has already started to go viral on YouTube.



Watch the moving video, above, and tweet @HuffPostTeen with your reactions.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/josh-ovalle-minimal-max_n_4520316.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Worried About Gluten? This Is Your Brain on Journalism

"This Is Your Brain on Gluten," an article written by Dr. James Hamblin in the Atlantic, has enjoyed many likes and shares. We are captivated and intrigued by the controversy among medical professionals as to whether carbohydrates, and grains in particular, are safe for consumption. We are also confused.



The article features an interview with Dr. David Perlmutter, author of the bestselling book, Grain Brain: The surprising truth about wheat, carbs, and sugar; your brain's silent killers. Dr. Perlmutter asserts consumption of grains and other carbohydrates causes chronic diseases such as Alzheimer's, heart disease, and cancer.



It also includes the comments of Dr. David Katz, a leader in the field of integrative and preventative medicine and the founding director of the Yale University Prevention Research Center. Dr. Katz is scornful of the claims advanced by Dr. Perlmutter:



"'I also find it sad that because his book is filled with a whole bunch of nonsense, that's why it's a bestseller; that's why we're talking. Because that's how you get on the bestseller list. You promise the moon and stars, you say everything you heard before was wrong, and you blame everything on one thing. You get a scapegoat; it's classic. Atkins made a fortune with that formula. We've got Rob Lustig saying it's all fructose; we've got T. Colin Campbell [author of The China Study, a formerly bestselling book] saying it's all animal food; we now have Perlmutter saying it's all grain. There's either a scapegoat or a silver bullet in almost every bestselling diet book.'"



Dr. Katz has described what Michael Pollan calls our "national eating disorder." In Pollan's words, "What is striking is just how little it takes to set off one of these applecart-toppling nutritional swings in America; a scientific study, a new government guideline, a lone crackpot with a medical degree can alter this nation's diet overnight."



Toward the end of "This Is Your Brain on Gluten," Dr. Hamblin (the article author) laments, "I hope people don't give up on nutrition science, because there is a sense that no one agrees on anything. An outlier comes shouting along every year with a new diet bent on changing our entire perspective, and it's all the talk. That can leave us with a sense that no one is to be believed. The scientific community on the whole is not as capricious as the bestseller list might make it seem."



I find it telling that in this article, the author of Grain Brain, Dr. David Perlmutter, mischaracterizes the findings of a recent study that demonstrates the correlation between small rises in blood sugar and dementia. Dr. Perlmutter fails to mention that the average age of study participants at the outset was 76. (The original New York Times article that reports on the same study buries this key fact in the fifth paragraph under a simplistic, sensational headline: "High Blood Sugar Linked to Dementia.") The point is that the study doesn't conclude anything about other age cohorts. Apparently for the sake of simplicity (a generous interpretation), Dr. Perlmutter and the New York Times article both obscure this basic fact of the study's design. So, too, does Dr. Hamblin in his failure to clarify the relevant facts.



I don't mean to say how many carbohydrates we should consume or whether grains damage our brains. Rather, I mean to show that among the many negative influencers of our diet and health stands shoddy, profit-driven journalism, and we need to be extremely, relentlessly skeptical of what we are told.



This post originally appeared on newfoodculture.com, where Leo Brown writes about food, nutrition, and health.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leo-brown/this-is-your-brain-on-jou_b_4516701.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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How to Set an Intention That Sticks for 2014

Will you be making resolutions this week?




A more important question might be: Will you be keeping them?



Every January, people make lists of how they want to overhaul their lives: de-clutter, de-stress, lose weight, stop smoking, and so on.



Why does it sometimes feel like it's effortless to let negative habits creep up, but when we want to change them -- or add a new healthy habit -- it feels nearly impossible?



A big part of it is how we frame those habits. If we look at the bad habits as something we enjoy and the good habits as some sort of "eat your Brussels sprouts" sort of punishment, it's hard to embrace the good ones. If you want to exercise more often and you see running as a chore or something you'd only do if forced, it will be difficult to welcome running as a new habit.



What if instead of treating January as a time to do a giant makeover on everything negative in our lives, we search for small ways to add more of what brings us joy?



1. Ask yourself why this is important to you.



Is this something you want to include in your life, or something you think you should do? Is it something your partner wants you to do? Is it something you read about and think would be good for you? All of those reasons are valid, but you are more likely to stick with things with an internal motivation. If you know why you want to do something, it can help you stay motivated. If you want to start a daily yoga practice because you want to gain strength, flexibility and greater internal calm, you have a better chance of sticking with it than if you just read that Adam Levine does it and thought it might be cool.



2. Build on a current positive behavior or attitude.



Sometimes people feel the need to make dramatic sweeping changes in their lifestyle. Unless there has been some big event to precipitate this, it can be tough to sustain. We've all read stories of people who were faced with a potential terminal illness and made massive health changes to reverse it. If you aren't in that situation, a life overhaul might be too much at once. Instead, adding a habit that builds on something you are already doing. For example, if you love to read and you'd like to watch less television, commit to reading a book a week and use the time you would have spent on television to read. If you love taking pictures, take a picture every day pre- or post-run in the same spot and you will have an amazing photo journal of the seasons changing.



3. Choose a positive way to frame the change.



Our brains are funny this way. Ask a child to stop jumping on the bed and you'll probably have to say it several times before she stops. Ask the same child to sit down, and you may get the outcome you're looking for faster. It's easier for us to integrate an idea like, "I want be fully present during meals," instead of, "I want to stop multitasking while I eat." Shifting your focus to the behavior you want is a small but significant difference. Focus on what you want to add to your life, rather than what you'd like to remove.



4. Place visual cues where you see them often.


A bedroom or bathroom mirror, bulletin board or the refrigerator are all great places for this. When I first started shifting to a daily yoga practice, keeping my mat and a favorite quote about yoga where I would see them when I first woke up was a huge help. There are also plenty of apps designed for this purpose, especially for fitness-related habits, but using something simple like an alert on Google calendar works well too.



5. Treat it like an experiment.



I am the master of trying something for a day and a half and deciding I hate it. Or at least I used to be. I had a friend re-frame the idea this way: What if instead of treating it as a pass or fail situation, we approached these changes with curiosity? What would it be like to start the day with green tea instead of coffee? What would it be like to go to hot yoga two mornings a week? What would it be like if I started unplugging earlier at night? If we treat these intentions as experiments, we can shift our whole perspective. If instead of making a laundry list of everything that's wrong with life, you experiment with adding gratitude or embracing compassion, the results may amaze you.



May you add beautiful things to your life in 2014!



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-bartolotta/new-years-resolution_b_4503339.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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The 10 Worst Climate Stories Of 2013

There was some good climate news in 2013. President Barack Obama outlined a new plan to address rising emissions in a major address at Georgetown University in June. The EPA rolled out the first-ever standards for emissions from power plants in September. And both the US Department of Treasury and the Export-Import Bank announced that they will no longer fund coal-fired power plants abroad unless they have pollution controls.



But for the most part, the climate news this year was bad. Really bad. Like, "Seriously, come on, THIS IS TERRIBLE you guys." Here are the ten worst climate stories of 2013, in no particular order--from killer hornets to killer jellyfish, and everything in between.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/worst-climate-stories_n_4524210.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Why Creating Mindful Resolutions Will Give You Better Results (VIDEO)

We all have goals we want to accomplish in the new year, but how do we make them last beyond the first day of 2014? According to some experts, the secret may lie in making more mindful resolutions, rather than narrow and specific ones.



Gretchen Rubin, author of "The Happiness Project," said that in order to have a positive year, we need to focus on the greater picture of what makes us happy. Mindful resolutions, like making an effort to be more grateful, will help create more joy in our everyday lives.



"In everyday life it's so easy to lose track of what really you're happy about ... one of the great ways to be happier is just to think about what you already have," Rubin told HuffPost Live host Nancy Redd.



A common way to cultivate gratitude and express what you're thankful for is to keep a gratitude journal -- a method that doesn't work for Rubin. She says in order to really stick to new year's goals, we need to adopt habits that work for us and stop forcing what doesn't.



"It's absolutely true that feeling grateful is an extremely important aspect of having a happier life," she said. "I think sometimes if something doesn't specifically work for you ... say 'what am I trying to get at here and what's another way of doing it?' We really do have to know ourselves and what's true about ourselves, because if you try to adopt the resolutions that everyone else is adopting or you try to do what other people think is supposed to make you happy, it's not going to work unless you know what's really true for you."



If you find yourself still struggling to meet your goals -- whether it's trying to adopt a meditation practice or getting to the gym more -- Rubin advises mindfully rethinking your approach.



"If there's something you keep struggling with, if you keep trying and [just can't do it], maybe you need to back away," Rubin said. "Maybe [you] need to turn your attention to something else or try a very different approach to the same thing ... That feeling of failure, you don't want to have that -- you want to feel like you're moving forward. You want that atmosphere of growth that's so important for happiness."



Check out the video clip above for more on how to achieve a happier you in 2014, and watch the full segment on HuffPost Live.



For more on the Third Metric, click here.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/mindful-new-years-resolutions_n_4520602.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Forget About Resolutions! 5 Things to Remove Instead of Resolve

Ready for a Change?



Everyone talks about resolutions this time of year. Making changes, setting goals, remembering dreams we once had, and wanting to live better. But the only thing I see happening with resolutions is "adding" to the already secret mess that is my life. Secret because only I know the truth about my life and only you know the truth about yours -- and we work very hard to cover up those truths, in an attempt to appear normal. Not one of us is normal -- there is no such thing.



I am a twice-divorced mother of four who works her ass off every day -- not only because I need the money, but because I am compelled to do so. True that two of my children have flown the coop -- it is more of a coop than a nest, and my two remaining at home are stretching and testing their wings, steadying themselves for their own solo flights. I have survived foreclosure and poverty. I even survived a self-imposed exile from love to find love again. My life is less than perfect. And I am not alone in that proclamation. No matter how many jokes or creative memes I post to Facebook or uplifting messages I try to tweet out, there will always be havoc -- or chaos, as many call it -- in my life. I have come to realize that "this" is my normal.



In a lifelong recognition of my normal, instead of adding resolutions to my already frenzied new year, I have decided to let go. Letting go will be my mantra for 2014.



5 Reminders of How You Can Let Go to Create a Better Life



1. I will let go of the hurt from my past. We all have painful memories from our past. When we do not let them go, they continue to hurt. The searing pain is felt over and over again and the wounds of past hurt are never allowed to heal. I am the one, not the person or incident from my past which hurt me -- I am the one hurting me now. Let go of old pain.



2. I will forgive. While similar, forgiveness is not the same as letting go of past pain. Forgiveness is for me -- I am not forgiving to help my transgressor to feel better about their transgression. I am forgiving so nothing is still held in my heart and head. Forgiveness can be as real as forgetting -- if you let it. Let forgiveness into your heart and head.



3. Devise a new dream. Life changes and crap happens that makes past dreams no longer feasible. You can dream a new dream, or you can create a new path to reach a former dream. It's not only ok to change your dream, it's okay to change how you get there.



4. Let go of weakness. Weaknesses are not things to keep you from achieving what you want, view them instead as ways for you to grow. Tackle them! Let tackling a personal liability be the riskiest risk you take in 2014. And while I have carried Sun Tzu's advice of "turn your liabilities into assets" with me for years, I don't always do it. This year is my year to let go of the thought that a liability weakens me, it will instead be my teacher.



5. Remove negativity from your day, your year, your life. The hardest thing in the world is to remain positive and upbeat during times of trial or adversity. It has been proven over and over again that the power of positivity is greater than any medicine or counsel. When a crisis or situation occurs that seems to be drowning with negativity, work around it -- find the silver lining. If there is an individual, friend or foe, who rains negativity on your already difficult life parade, remove them, let them wash away. Their presence is not helpful nor should it be welcome and allowed to continue.



Life is Never Easy



Of course, life is not a bed of roses, weed and worry free. But it can be with just a little addition of nourishment and continual removal of pests and weeds. There is no easy life -- there is only life and it is a long and winding road, full of unexpected twists and worrisome turns. Control what you can by letting go of what doesn't and shouldn't have control over you. Make this the year to lose the chains that bind you.



"I will break these chains that bind me. Happiness will find me. Leave the past behind me. Today my life begins..." Bruno Mars -- Today My Life Begins



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rayanne-thorn/forget-about-resolutions-_b_4521273.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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13 Important Ways We Improved The World In 2013

Sometimes, it's easy to focus on the fact that society may, in fact, be regressing.

Alternatively, we thought we'd focus on how we progressed in 2013.



Rather than complain about "kids these days," we're highlighting ways young people created change this past year. Amid the stories about global poverty and disease, we're also focusing on AIDS research funding advancements. And instead of raging about the Duck Dynasty controversy, we thought we'd remind you about a duck who got a foot thanks to 3D printing.



From education to homelessness to climate issues, here are the ways we advanced in 2013 on tackling the problems and issues that are most critical.



Key parts of DOMA and Prop 8 were struck down in the same day.







In June, the Supreme Court killed a provision in the Defense of Marriage Act, which denied federal benefits to married gay couples. That same day, the Court dismissed California’s Proposition 8 case, allowing gay marriage to resume in the Golden State. The Internet went wild, reminding us that #LoveIsLove.

Today's DOMA ruling is a historic step forward for #MarriageEquality. #LoveIsLove

— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) June 26, 2013

We took steps to expand preschool for the poor.







Expanding early education has long been one of President Obama’s priorities and the “Early Childhood Education Improvement Act of 2013” may just see his vision through. The bill would offer up a new federal-state formula for grants to expand preschool for poor kids, a move advocates say is key in promoting economic equity.



We saw homelessness drop...again.







The number of homeless people in the U.S. declined for a third straight year, the Housing and Urban Development Department announced last month. Overall homelessness dropped by 4 percent from the previous year and the number of homeless veterans fell by 8 percent. The VA and the Obama Administration have vowed to end veteran homelessness by 2015.



We set goals to decrease carbon emissions and dependence on foreign oil.







Some environmental experts say they wish Obama would’ve pledged to do more, but they still welcomed his Climate Action Plan, which he introduced in August after four years in office. Some of the goals include cutting carbon emissions 17 percent by 2020, reducing our dependence on foreign oil and leading international efforts to address climate change.



Donors pledged the largest amount ever to fight AIDS.







This December, global donors pledged $12 billion to fight AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. It's the largest ever amount donated to the Global Fund, the primary organization worldwide fighting the three major epidemics. The pledges represent a 30 percent increase from the $9.2 billion in pledges secured in 2010 for the 2011-2013 period, according to the Global Fund website.



We used 3D printing to change lives.







Prosthetics have undoubtedly come a long way, but they’re also exorbitantly expensive. (Legs cost anywhere from $5,000 to $50,000). But 3D technology is now allowing people –- and animals! –- to get effective limbs at a much cheaper price.



Buttercup, for example, was born last year with a deformed foot, allowing him to only hobble on it. After the duck’s foot was amputated, a 3D printing company printed a mold to cast a silicone prosthesis for him. Richard Van As, a South African carpenter who lost four fingers from his right hand, has used the same technology to build affordable “Robohands” for people who need them. Van As has fitted about 170 people using cables, screws, 3-D printing and thermoplastic, a process that costs him $500 altogether to complete, according to the Associated Press.



We're keeping more kids from dying from diarrhea and other preventable diseases.







We are set to immunize half a billion children by the end of 2015 against diseases such as pneumonia, diarrhea and meningitis, according to the Gates Foundation. These diseases are life-threatening, yet preventable. This milestone is achieved in part through public-private partnerships such as GAVI, the Global Alliance for Vaccines and Immunisation, which helps countries buy vaccines at lower costs.



We gave a voice to transgender women on television.







Laverne Cox soared to superstardom this year in her role as Sophia Burset in Netflix's acclaimed "Orange is the New Black." She's using her fame to serve as an ardent advocate for the transgender community and has received a slew of honors for her work, including the "Reader's Choice Award" at this year's OUT 100.



Developing countries are enabling women to make informed contraception decisions.







In the past year, 10 developing countries have held national family planning conferences, the Gates Foundation reports. This means more women are receiving information about contraceptives and health options, pushing toward the goal of providing 120 million women with this crucial information by 2020. More than 220 million women in underserved countries who don’t want to get pregnant lack access to contraception and education on the topic, according to the Foundation.



Malala helped send 40 girls and counting to school.







A little more than a year after Malala Yousafzai was shot in the head by the Taliban for wanting to go to school, she has helped provide compulsory education for young people globally. Through her namesake fund and other advocacy efforts, the young activist has galvanized 3 million people to sign the Malala petition, helped 40 girls go to school and committed to providing 300,000 refugees with food and education.



These students used prom to push for racial integration.







It's hard to believe in 2013 that racial segregation still exists and would even require a conversation about "progress." But that's the case in Georgia's Wilcox County High School, where there had only ever been an unofficial "white prom" and "black prom" for the school's 400 students, CNN reported. That changed this year when students hosted their first integrated prom party, prompting the school to say it will host inclusive proms in the future for everyone.





We’re winning the fight against malaria and polio.







The malaria mortality rate was reduced by 45 percent worldwide, according to the World Health Organization. The world is now also seeing the fewest cases of polio in the fewest places and authorities have pledged to put an end to the disease by 2018.



We came together to give back, ensuring we'll continue to see more of this progress.







Early in December, people worldwide were called on to come together and donate to a charity that matters to them -- and we heeded the challenge. Donations rose 90 percent this year compared to last Giving Tuesday, the selfless response to Black Friday and Cyber Monday that urges donors to give back. All told, people gave $19.2 million in charitable contributions, according to Blackbaud.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/2013-issues-that-matter_n_4520563.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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The Most Important Thing You Need for Love in 2014

I recently read this super smart article on Psychology Today. I passed it around to my life coach clients and even on Facebook because I thought there was so much truth there about the ways we sabotage ourselves when it come to love and relationships.



The people I heard back from really liked it, but there was a resounding message from them across the land...



"Are you kidding me? This is really hard. I am not sure I want to do all of that for love."



I know, Sugarpants. I know...



Knowing yourself well enough to recognize your stuff and then doing something about it... well, it can feel like, "Where do you even begin? Wasn't love supposed to be easier than this? Just fall into place? Just happen organically and then we live happily ever after?"



Nope.



You have been lied to about love and relationships for a very long time.



Call Hollywood and tell them you want your sanity and realistic expectations back.



In my six years as a life coach who works with singles, here is what I know. Unlike our ancestors, we don't have to have long-term relationships anymore. It sounds crazy, but it's true.



Over 100 years ago, you got married for status, financial gain, to procreate and because your family couldn't afford to keep you. That just isn't true anymore.



We don't have to get married to survive in our world. Your family doesn't get a donkey for you and procreation is doing just fine.



Nowadays, with some good old-fashioned hard work, you can usually get a good job, an apartment and even a dog/cat and live a pretty decent life. You even have the option to have/adopt a kid on your own and start your own family. Most likely, you are not going to go hungry, homeless or be dead and empty inside.



Ultimately, you don't have to have a long-term relationship or get married.



The truth is, relationships are not necessary for survival anymore so at the end of the day, you have to really, really want it.



Bad.



With our pretty long list of expectations and even longer life spans, married for life looks way different than it did a few years ago. It is absolutely do-able, but you have got to want it more than the convenience of single life.



You are going to have to want it when letting someone in to see the real you and all of your flaws feels uncomfortable. It will.



You are going to have to want it when compromising your life, schedule and things becomes annoying. It is going to.



You are going to have to want it to communicate on the level that makes relationships work, which will bring on confrontation and insecurity. They will show up.



You are going to have to want it when becoming vulnerable is scary. It is.



You are going to have to want it when you go through rough days and moments and want to just hide your head and the sand and make it go away. Which you will.



You are going to need to believe in love and relationships more than the days that you don't like them or even yourself. It's going to happen.



Creating a long-term relationship will rock every fiber of your being and make you question yourself. It is truly one of the most challenging things we can do in our life.



So you might be asking yourself, why would I want to do that? That sounds hard. Hard = bad, right?



Not necessarily.



Here is what I personally believe. Why I wake up every morning. Why I run a business that is downright not easy for me. What I do with my clients.



I believe when we create great love and beautiful healthy relationships we become stronger, happier and better people.



I believe when we are loved we can be better friends. Knowing we are deeply loved, little stuff rolls off of us and we have more time to listen and support others to be better people.



I believe when we are loved, we can be better parents. Because when we can be loved and we can give love, we will not doubt being good enough for them. When we are loved we learn and teach it is OK to make mistakes.



Your love and respect for others will teach them to be honest, kind and real. Modeling a healthy love relationship is the greatest gift you can give to our children.



I believe when we are loved, we can be better family members. Because when we have deep love and support we don't have to default to unhealthy behaviors with our siblings and parents.



I believe when we are loved we move through this world more kind and able to give to others. We smile more and are doing random acts of kindness without even thinking about it. We change lives just because we are loved. This kind of love does not come from fairy dust nor does it just happen to lucky people. It comes from doing smart and rewarding self-work up front so you can create that kind of love and relationship.



For you see, there are not any promises in relationships anymore. With this new found world of dating and love we have to recognize the beauty in the the conscious decision to choose to show up for another person. Every single day. To create something beautiful instead of just hoping it works out.



It means more than ever because we don't have to be there. We don't have to have that relationship. We are there because we believe in love and really, really want it.



I want this for you in 2014. Do you?



Let me be the Miyagi to your Karate Kid. Check out my new class in 2014, The Dating Awesomer Crash Course. Three weeks of genius to help you date smarter, not harder in the new year.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kira-sabin/love_b_4516308.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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The Disturbing Truth About E-Cigarette Ads

If you’ve noticed an increase in e-cigarette advertising lately, there are good reasons why.



With only a few days left in 2013, smokers are contemplating new year’s resolutions to kick their deadly habit. E-cigs—which contain nicotine, but not tobacco, and claim to be much healthier than traditional cigarettes—could be their savior.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/31/e-cig-advertising_n_4523978.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Welcome Happiness This New Year

When we say "new year," a sense of newness, of renewal, is created in us. The new year is an opportunity to refresh our mind, reflect on our choices. We take vows to improve, to achieve, and we set goals during this time. At the same time, it is worth contemplating our life's journey. Think about it... every year, we are running towards victory and fulfillment of our aspirations hoping for happiness on reaching our goals. However, we simply find newer aspirations coming up, more to achieve and acquire, and we are left constantly running.



Stop. Reflect. Ask yourself, "Who am I?" "What am I doing?" "How far have I come?" "How far to go?" These reflections can carry us into a different sphere of thinking and bring about more polished behavior patterns. Otherwise, we are stuck with acting and reacting, swinging between likes and dislikes. We are in the same circle, being thrown off, thrown around by our own emotional upheavals. It is imperative to take control, take charge of our emotions and enjoy life, be happy in the real sense. Happiness is something that gives you long-standing relief.



When we begin the inward journey, we realize that the inner world of feelings and emotions is exceptionally complex and complicated. To find our way through this wild forest of thoughts and desires can be very confusing and frustrating at times. Any amount of travel in the outer world will look very simple and smooth in comparison. Many saints and poets have shared this same experience when they have explored their own mind.



Take a break. Relax, and truly enjoy all your successes in the "now" -- the present moment -- for which you have been running all the time. The past is gone and the future is uncertain. Our ability to live fully in the present moment is the secret to real happiness. Being in the present moment gives us depth. When we take some time to be with ourselves in silence, to explore our depth, experience the peace and serenity of the inner realms -- then there is so much more efficiency in the actions we take. It is like refueling our efficiency. It is giving time for recharging our batteries. Going forward, a few moments of silence each day gives us the continuity.



What is the best way to experience this true inner silence? Meditate. Meditation is the food for the soul. It gives us that kind of deep rest and depth. Different dimensions open up in our life. There is so much refinement that happens through meditation. This is the goal of any human birth -- the evolution towards perfection.



Let us resolve to create a stress-free, violent-free society where ours will be the first step. When we are aware of how we are handling our own emotions, situations in our life, when we have the power to transform our own emotions -- it will create a ripple effect in society. We create our own world, our own environment. So let us take that stand, take the power. This power is not given to us, we have to take it. Instead of pointing fingers at others, let us get our act together and take responsibility to begin from our self. This is what spirituality is.



Don't wait any longer. Take off into the realms of bliss, which is well within you. Take time to reflect upon the ideas of the great thinkers and masters. Enrich yourself by the experience of the Self through meditation and feel grateful for the presence of the Divine in our life. Remembering this, let us start this year with gratefulness and gratitude and we will succeed.



The writer is the Chairperson of the International Women's Conference, a meditation teacher, and Director of Women and Child Welfare programs of The Art of Living Foundation.




To register for the International Women's Conference "Harmony: Evolution towards Perfection" Feb. 7-9, 2014 , visit iwc.artofliving.org.



Follow conference on Twitter.



For more by Bhanu Narasimhan, click here.



For more on meditation, click here.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bhanu-narasimhan/new-year_b_4522571.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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Resolutions of What I Will NOT Do in 2014

Eve of 2014. Are you as tired as I am of committing to some new form of to-do list that within 45 days will just fly out the window leaving behind more fuel we can use to beat ourselves up? I don't know about you, but I can assure you that I don't need more reasons to knock myself around. I'm pretty good at finding material within myself and I have the black and blue interior to prove it.



So this year, rather than soaring right into New Year and beyond with a list of "This year I will..." I am going to try to base my resolutions on "This year I will NOT..." Perhaps the assumed inaction in that declaration is just what is needed.



This year, 2014, I will NOT:



*I will NOT raise my voice when speaking to my teenaged children. Despite their frontal lobe-induced verbal assaults on me, I will take a lesson from the Queen of England and just grimace and wave. Passively.

*I will NOT be baited by those same children who, crafty little buggers that they are, will try to pit their father and me against each other in a bid to get what they want. I will not bite. Nope. No sir-ee

*I will NOT micromanage my beloved ex-husband in terms of parenting. Our styles may differ but he is a good father.

*I will NOT post photographs of my food or beverages on social media. Never have. Won't start now. I will not. Nobody needs to see my daily arugula, lentil, heart of palm and kitchen sink salad. It will not save the world or be beneficial in any way. As I am not a gourmet cook, the posting of those pictures would be a mere step above, or possibly even below, spam.

*I will NOT send spam of any kind. Not on the Internet, not in a can, no I won't do it, I will not send spam.

*I will NOT spend more time on social media than I do on my writing.

*I will NOT stop exercising. I like it. I'm good at it. It is healthy. I will not quit on that now. It is my belief that buns of steel are directly correlated to a steely resolve and a steel trap mind. I plan to rock all three this year.

*I will NOT start smoking. It is a filthy and unhealthy habit. Not only that, second hand smoke is unhealthy for all those around. I was a heavy smoker up until 25 years ago. Despite periodic dreams of sitting in a Parisian cafe with a glass of chablis, an omelette on my plate, fork in my right hand and a fag in my left hand I will not start smoking. (Yes, cigarettes are THAT addictive. 25 years later and still I have cravings).

*I will NOT be judgmental. Please can I qualify that though? This is a tricky one. Please at least let me be judgmental about shoes and perfume and personal adornments and furnishings. I will not be judgmental about the choices my frontally lobe challenged children might make periodically.

*I will NOT get upset about my muffin top. I am a woman of a certain age. Women of this age should all have muffin tops. We have earned them the good old fashioned way: Through growing then birthing numerous babies and through eating breaded chicken fingers and other beige foods off of their toddler dinner plates while washing it down with a decent pinot noir (one glass of wine for you to drink for each child per day. What? That was not prescribed to you by your doctor?)

*I will NOT obsess about my children getting in to the college of their choice. Nor shall I stress about the application process. From Poison Ivy League to Ivy League there is a good fit for everyone. It is their job to find it. I will not obsess about this. Kids are smart and they are mostly like cats -- they tend to land on their feet.

*I will NOT get a felony. No more tearing mattress tags for me. Nope. Not one. Good. Another resolution I can keep.

*I will NOT lose touch with my close friends. We are all busy, yet never too busy for friendship. Dear friends, you cannot escape. I will not let you go. If you try to sneak away I will be forced to break my resolution above and send you spam in a can and spam in material. If you are really bad I might start sending you photographs of my food as well. Please note, there are currently no friends on the "at risk" list. I have been fortunate in this regard.

*I will NOT read The National Enquirer or The Globe or the other newsprint tabs out there. Maybe in the checkout line at the market but I will not purchase them. I know, I know, bad habit.

*I will NOT forget the birthdays of my parents, siblings, my children, my ex husband and my friends.

*I will NOT forget what a blessing it is to have a strong and healthy body and a solid emotional constitution and children who seem to possess these gifts as well.

*I will NOT forget that people carry all sorts of sorrow and pain inside of them and on any given day might really benefit from a passing smile from a stranger. I will not forget that and I will endeavor to be that smiling stranger.

*I will NOT get another dog. My last two Jack Russell Terr(orrists) nearly drove me around the bend. I may have more squirrels and back yard vermin now that they are gone but my sofa is looking good and it has been a long time since anything or anyone was torn to shreds in my home.

*I will NOT eat okra. Or octopus.

*I will NOT spend money I don't have, on things I don't need, to impress people I don't like. That is what is called a "no brainer." Except it takes effort.

*I will NOT gloat or take secret pleasure on those occasions when I am right. Not only that, I will not let the words "I told you so" pass through my lips. (I think I may need some superglue on this one... recall that I have teens?)



For a gal who declared her 2014 resolutions would be based in INACTION this has certainly turned out to be a large list. A few have some action attached to them but generally that action is retaliatory in nature.



Happy New Year to you. I hope this year will bring abundance in all areas that feed each of our souls, sense of self, and belonging.



I will see you in 2014... I'll be the one smiling and waving with her mouth glued shut.



from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sukey-forbes/resolutions-of-what-i-wil_b_4523232.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

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